Always Thinking... How To Make A Famous Webcomic Author: Evvie

After much studying of web comics over the past 6 or so years I've discovered a few points that all web comics follow. If people were to know and follow these pointers I could save them some time in becoming a famous web comic author. Really, it's quite simple.

• This may be the most important step of all so I'll do it first. Always have unrealistically attractive female characters. Always. It's instant web traffic, no matter what your comic is about you will attract a large amount of "readers" just like that. Some pointers would be to have their stomachs showing, moderate amount of makeup and show a lot of their legs i.e.: shorts/skirts. It doesn't matter how many male characters there are, just make sure to make one of the males obsessed with some sort of beverage, like beer, coffee or pop. Make sure you do jokes about how much he likes said beverage. Do a lot of "empowered woman" jokes too, I'm not sure who thinks these jokes are funny, but I'm nearly certain that it's retarded women. Which makes sense because these attractive female characters could come across as funny and intelligent role models for the female "readers" of the comic, when really they're just slutty bitches. By "empowered woman" I mean, sarcastic, always uninterested in the men around her, you know "can't be beat" sort of thing. Here's a perfect example of what I'm talking about. As for where to find these jokes, you could just watch a shitty sitcom and modify the joke to fit your comic. You could also just use the Internet to find them. Thinking of your own isn't out of the question, but you won't be as famous if you do something original. Follow stereotypes too, make all the stereotype jokes you can. Having the females obsessed with shopping and shoes is an example. Having a black guy be a criminal who enjoys rap and can't speak English properly would be another. Put simply, just be the most cliche boring motherfucker in the world.

• The art doesn't matter so much, it helps to be good at it, yet there are ways around sucking. For instance you could just take pictures, use clipart, use stick people (with real pictures of models for females) just give it some thought. The best action would be to just trace over someone else's characters and modify them enough not to get in trouble. It helps if the person you copy isn't famous, then when you become famous you can accuse them of stealing "your" style. This is the Internet, you'd be dumb not to steal! One important part about art: if you're good at drawing, even in the slightest you must constantly (every other comic/panel) use the chibi style. Not only does it attract people who like cute drawings, it shows that you're in touch with the latest trends/fads and don't forget it's an excuse to make the drawing not take so long to do. Because you don't want to make comics because you like it, it's the fame you want! Do a Google image search for chibi if you don't know what it looks like.

• Take old jokes and remodel them to fit your comic. Whenever a new movie comes out and it's popular, make a joke about it, no matter how dumb it seems. Somehow this makes people famous, it's because people can all relate to a joke about a movie they've seen. Here's some current comic trends, try to mention these as much as possible because there are already a million jokes about them: Ninjas, Pie, Pirates, Zombies, cute/odd animals such as penguins, and Robots. It would be wise to make at least one of your characters be one of these things, people will think you're creative, when in actuality you're just posing, but hey it doesn't matter now that you're becoming famous.

• Under no circumstances should you make the story interesting, even if you're capable of doing so. Make the whole comic about a bunch of guys with some hot chick acquaintances sitting around playing video games and talking about how much one of them likes caffeine or beer. Even though your story sucks you should still maintain that you have one instead of just not bothering and focussing on the jokes.

• Always remember that you're doing this for other people, not because you enjoy it. Remember that if your audience doesn't like something you have to change it, no matter how much you like it. Once all of these points have been completed and you're famous do me a favor and kill yourself. Take anyone following all of these points with you.