"Maybe it isn't a good idea in general to tell teenagers what to do."
The decent not totally not fake story of a teenager's ascent into the apparently not that seductive world of drugs. A journal so not made up by a drug enthusiast you may think you know Alex - Or someone like him. Read his journal. Enter his world. You'll eventually forget Alex… Probably.
"An alright work… a document of real reality."
"A book that parents of teenagers and adults should really read. Really really, like; really."
-The same guy
Or Ask Alex is based on the totally not fake journal of a teenage drug user. It is not a definitive statement on the teenage drug world. It might offer some solutions. It is kind of a personal and specific chronicle (in some parts). As such it'd be okay with us if it provided some insight into the problems of today's complicated world. Names dates places and certain events have been changed in accordance with the wishes of just about no one.
I bought this journal because I feel like I have a lot to say that nobody cares about hearing, so it's best to write it down. It feels pretty good!
Yesterday I was a pretty miserable fucker. Yesterday feels like two seconds ago. Time is passing so quickly now, and things are getting unbearably monotonous. Get up, go to school, come home, have some dinner, chill out, then bed. I really wanna do something with my time. I want to get more active, maybe pick up a hobby or something. I don't have enough going on in my life. I can only masturbate so much.
There was this girl I sort of wanted to ask out, and did… but then I changed my mind. I didn't show up where we planned to meet, now I feel pretty bad about it. I Dunno why I did that. I guess I might not be all that into her. She seems a bit "fake".
My room is a mess. I don't think anyone cares except me. When my friends are over they sit in literal piles of trash and don't seem to mind. Neither of my parents seem to care either.
How do you even write a journal? Am I doing it right?
School was actually fun. Actually, it wasn't. Skipping school was fun. The first half of the day was an assembly so we ducked out and got some pizza as any self-respecting student would.
We found out later that the assembly was about smoking. Jenn told me that there was a presenter that said if she catches anyone smoking outside the school at the bus stop she'll call the cops. It seems like everyone had a good laugh about the whole thing. At least it was good for that. Hearing more of the details made me want a smoke out of spite and pointless rebelliousness alone.
The last half of the day the teachers let us have catch up time. Since I have everything done already I sat there and read Lord of the Flies for the third time.
The bus ride home was better than normal. I mean as far as bus rides go. This time, no one flicked any pennies at the bus driver, nor did they throw any pudding. I think even the bus driver noticed something was up when they hadn't experienced a nervous breakdown by second avenue. Odd for that not to happen.
Dad's bday was so fuckin' fun. I never thought I'd have such a blast at an old person's birthday party. He gave me beers all night, he must figure I'm old enough. I got trashed and he thought it was hilarious. He was wasted too.
I have to poop. I have to poop something fierce. I gotta take a huge shit.
I am drunk.
I haven't written this past week because everything has been so hectic and fun. I'm suddenly getting along so much better with everyone. I don't know what happened, but it seems like everyone I talk to falls in love with me on the spot. I must have made at least five new friends this week.
I've been losing weight and getting toned up, which might be why girls seem to be a bit more interested in me.
Dad has confirmed that he doesn't care if I get drunk, as long as I do okay in school and don't drink and drive or anything stupid like that, which is perfectly fine with me.
Bummer. Dad got laid off. He says we might have to move if he can't find a job nearby. On the bright side he can get some sort of wacky pension for a year or two so we don't have to worry about eating macaroni and cheese every night. Not that I would even mind.
I'm gonna order a pizza.
False alarm, Dad got a new job. That was fast.
I'm not doing so hot in school the past bit… I think it has something to do with me skipping to hang out with friends. I'd better start going to some classes, at least to pick up the work. I'm glad I have parents that won't get on my case for things like this. They either trust me to be responsible or don't care either way. I should ask them.
I'm going to the movies with a MMMMMMINT girl on the weekend. I'm going to try to stick it in her. I'm not going to try too hard because she seems a bit uptight. Actually, I don't know that for sure, I could totally end up getting laid.
The movie I saw yesterday was boring and I didn't get any. My date was sort of annoying too. I wonder if she picked up on it that I was bored… She probably didn't. I don't think there was too much going on in her head to begin with.
I wish sex drives between the genders were more in sync. Health class says women get hornier as they get older and men less so. Right now it feels like I could fuck the whole female population. Every night I wank it to a different girl I have class with. I'm actually going in alphabetical order.
I've never moved in my life. I wonder what it'd be like sometimes to live in a completely different place. I think I might like it if we had to move.
I'm finding it hard to come up with things to write in here. I might stop writing.
Valentine 's Day. Does anyone still celebrate it? I didn't do anything for it. Grandma and Grandpa came by for a visit and we sat around and watched TV. I'm not even sure if anyone in the room was aware of it being Valentine's Day besides me. Did we even talk?
I've been eating so much food lately, just fucking gorging myself. Mom is always telling me to slow down or I'll choke, and Dad keeps saying "slow down Mikey!" I don't know what that means. Oddly enough I'm not putting on any weight, nor am I worried about it.
Know what pisses me off? When people complain about being assimilated into societal norms. You know what I mean? Complaining about having to all dress the same and like the same things and act a certain way. Why complain about it and then still do it? I can't even understand it. Make your own decisions. What are they afraid of?
Some people act totally different when they're among different friends. I try to be the same version of myself as I am when I'm alone, but when I'm with different friends, yeah, I have different in jokes and I share different forms of humor, and talk about other topics but I'm still myself. I can't believe how bad some people are for this.
Sorry, bad day.
I got my Mom some earrings for her bday. They're cheap, something like five bucks. I feel kinda bad about spending so little on her but it's all I could afford. I need to fulfill my hobo destiny one day, I can't afford good gifts. I'm now all out of my summer job money from last year. I really made it last this time at least.
Marty's sister is having a party for Easter and they want me to bring macaroni salad. I'm confused about this because I barely know Marty's sister. I don't even know her name. I'm not even especially good friends with Marty! I think it must be a religiously fueled party and not for fun because I'm told I'll need to dress up for it… Wow am I ever not accustomed to this. Honestly it sounds like it's going to suck vast amounts of dick. Dad is lending me one of his old suit jackets and a tie. They don't match and are tacky as hell. I'm gonna look like an idiot. I love the old man and everything but he's got no sense of style. I wonder how he did with chicks when he was my age. I should ask him how much pussy he scored in high school sometime. For all I know mismatched tweed suits and themed ties could have been a real panty-soaking combo back in his day.
Marty's sister's party sucked. It was boring and I felt uncomfortable the whole time. I'm not the religious type. I didn't wear my Dad's suit jacket or tie, they looked too stupid. I was the only one there not suited up. Everyone there was garbed entirely in beige. When did beige become the new hip color? Of all the colors in the spectrum, why beige? Seriously!
The macaroni salad I brought was from a store that I switched into a Tupperware before going. I don't think anyone noticed. I eventually had to leave the party once everyone started singing songs about Jesus. I couldn't stand any more.
On the plus side I made out with Ashley who I have English class with. I didn't know she was into me at all. She probably isn't, and was bored. It got a bit heavy on Marty's front porch until the singing stopped. I had to wait a while longer before going back in on account of my raging boner. That's the real downside of makeouts, but you gotta take the good with the bad sometimes.
At the rate of which girls are showing interest in me it's only a matter of time before I get some, which is all I want to be completely honest.
I went to a bonkers party thrown by a guy kids call "The Porto Rican". It was his birthday and he rented a hotel room which we completely trashed. I walked up to the hotel with some friends who scored us some booze from the liquor store. I stayed outside because I'm a little more youthful looking than they are. They've got full grown teenager staches so they were the natural choice. One or two were turned away but luckily we only sent one guy in at a time with intervals of fifteen minutes. This made it impossible for the disgruntled booze salesmen to realize we were all together.
When we got back we had a ton of hard liquor and beers. People kept giving me shots and beers all night. I got ridiculous, I kept asking Amy why she hated me so much and she kept saying that she didn't. She was stone sober. I can't believe she sat there so long putting up with me and everyone else that was trashed as fuck. A few people told me to cool it, and tried to cut me off but my drunk self only took that as a challenge to become the worst kid in the building. I then embarked on a quest; any half-drunk beer I found sitting around unattended I would finish. Any time someone challenged me to take a shot I would accept and I would heckle anyone I saw to give me shots if they weren't currently engaged in a shot drinking contest with someone else. Kids had the hot tub going with as many people that could fit in it, all fully clothed splashing anyone who dared pass by. The fireplace was roaring, because we're all intelligent. Music was blaring off of this shitty radio we found in the closet, everyone was yelling and the place was packed well over capacity. The smoke alarm went off when some guys started taking bong hoots so naturally they tore it out of the ceiling and threw it off the balcony, which fucked up someone's wind shield.
As the night wore on the lights seemed to get dimmer. I remember feeling like everyone was a shadowy 7 foot tall interpretation of themselves and I was lost in a forest of them. Lost in the forest of wasted teenagers, I eventually squeezed (squoze?) my way through. I sat on the bed with all the drunk chicks with their colorful drinks, gossiping and passing judgement on everyone there, generally being the worst bitches they could be. All of a sudden this drunk girl sat on my hand. She was sitting there on my hand pretending not to notice, and sort of shifting herself so that I was rubbing her puss. We both sat there and both sorta pretended we weren't doing what we were doing for a while. Everyone must have been in an ass grabbin' mood because kids were chasing each other around grabbing each other's butts, howling with laughter. It was a literal jolly game of grab-ass.
Two of my friends got into a shots competition (which was decided that they would have before the party) because one is of German descent and the other is Belgian or something. They wanted to honor their ancestors by beating each other and proving how well they can hold their liquor. Eric had 42 shots of tequila, the other guy had 43. I only caught the end of it. I remember looking at Eric wobbling over to the bed where I was basically masturbating this girl. He fell flat on his face, threw up and stopped moving. I spent a good while trying to get him to respond to me. I was slapping him, pushing him and calling him a fag and everything but he wouldn't get up. I was so drunk that I didn't do anything more than that. I feel pretty horrible about not going to call him an ambulance now. I don't know who called but thank god they did or we could have lost an epic warrior that night. The party started breaking up shortly before the paramedics showed up. By the time they arrived I was sitting in a pile of trash on a high backed chair trying not to vomit. I might have been OK but the paramedics threatened everyone to go the fuck home before they start calling parents. I felt like I was experiencing the Windows 95 screensaver (you know the one where you're flying through space?) pinned to the back of the chair. They hassled me until I stood up, which was too much for my guts causing me to throw up into an empty beer pitcher. I filled it to the top as nearby girls eeewww'd at me and fled. After I wiped my mouth I noticed several other surrounding puke filled pitchers chuckling and feeling that post barf contentment and relief.
I had to call my Dad even though it was 2am since I was in no state to walk home. Or walk at all. He didn't seem too mad. I acted all innocent like I didn't know there was vodka in my OJ or something. Nobody bought it. When I got home I had a mega barf session and passed out.
I love my house, it's so cozy. I'm glad we didn't end up having to move.
It's really weird. After getting smashed at that party I feel so relaxed, like a giant weight has been lifted off of me. On the other hand; I feel a bit distressed that I didn't come to my friend's aid. I'm glad I got to learn that lesson without losing him. It's funny, I'm sure the school and his parents will blame underage drinking despite the fact that adults have to get their stomachs pumped just as often… Age doesn't always determine maturity.
The following 3 pages have crude doodles of farting asses in the spaces between entries.
I Had the best day at school today. It was so relaxing, I didn't talk to anyone and every class flowed by. I barely noticed the final bell. Don't misunderstand; I like talking to people and my friends but it was nice to be happy without them. Do I sound like a dick right now? Maybe I'm a huge dick but I don't need friends to be happy. If someone doesn't like me I just don't talk to them, I really don't understand the big problem with teens and acceptance and peer pressure and all that. I think a lot of kids make a bigger deal out of it than it is. The whole reason I'm so relaxed lately is that I've stopped caring about what high-schoolers think, because it really doesn't matter. Teenagers don't matter, we're fucking idiots. That's probably why we're not allowed to vote.
Actually wait, now that I think about it a bit, everything fucked about me is because of how kids treated me when I was younger… Never mind I guess I do understand. I guess it's just normal to get a little fucked up when you're a kid. It's hard to make it out of childhood unscathed. If there's one thing kids are good at; it's making life unbearable. I guess I'm lucky. I'm excited.
I feel like I can make friends with anyone. Today I was talking to Mr. Quinn, who has to be over 60 years old and it was the same kind of relaxed conversation I would have with anyone my own age. I'm even enjoying having dinner with my parents lately. I feel like the social age gap is closing rapidly but I'm aging normally. Did I break something in my brain?
I don't even feel like getting drunk again. I mean, I will cus it's fun but I don't feel like I gotta. I guess I don't think the drunkenness was what I liked most about the party, I think it was the sense of freedom it brought on. That and experiencing an altered consciousness / different setting of life. I feel so good about myself and everything lately. I can't even accurately explain.
Life is good!
I am in rockin' good shape, lookin' super handsome. I'd do me. So buff.
Mom, Dad and I are playing Risk on PlayStation regularly as of late. Super fun game. It's cool on PlayStation because you can save the game for later and there's no game board to clutter up a table, but I do like playing the board game version too. We'll probably graduate to the board game version after.
I love how engaged my parents are in my life now. It's like they realized I have a personality. It must be easy to start seeing your kid only as an onus because of how horrible children are.
I love my friends and family and myself so much and I'm so glad school doesn't take place in the summer.
I met a girl today that was telling me her destiny was to have kids. She had their names picked out and claimed to know her first would be a boy and the second a girl. Is that not totally nuts? I never want kids and I don't think I ever want to get married. It's too much fun hanging out with myself. (I flexed to the mirror after I wrote that.)
I had a huge makeout session with that girl I met a bit ago. Her name is Emily. Making out with her reminded me that I haven't really even been paying attention to girls. I really went from one end to the other because I was pretty much a walking boner for a while. Then that party happened and… I just let go of everything stressful. It's okay now, I am boner incarnate once again. Tremble in fear, for I am the dark god Bonour, and I rise to conquer.
Anyway, I don't know what she wants from me and knowing that she wants kids and seems a bit crazy I should get out while I can. As uncle Andy says: "don't stick your dick in crazy".
Emily came over to do "summer homework" today. We didn't end up doing any homework and I got my dick suxxxxed. Fuck yeah, first ever BJ! It didn't really feel like what I was expecting but it was still awesome.
Emily is pretty great, and not just because she likes sucking my dick. We had this cool convo about religion earlier. We're both in agreement that there pretty much is no god and can't even wrap our heads around religious belief. I was never raised in any religious environment so I was lucky enough to be able to choose for myself what to believe without any influence. She wasn't so lucky I guess. She said her parents are big on the bible and that she can't ever let them know she doesn't believe in god or else it would break their hearts. It's got to be terrible not being able to tell your parents the truth about yourself. I'm constantly forgetting how lucky I am that my parents can talk to me and that I'm not the norm. I literally cringed at the thought of being fearful of your parents knowing your true self. Knowing that the truth about you would disappoint and hurt them must be awful.
Had sex today. There goes the V card. Sex is great and everything but if it's going to be the same as it was with Emily every time then it's very overhyped. Not that she's bad at it, but it was hard to get it in her and she bled after. She says that's supposed to happen and couldn't believe I didn't know about it. I think she was covering for herself because she was embarrassed. I wonder if I got period-ed on?
Today Emily said she wanted to set me up with one of her friends that she thinks I'll like. What the fuck? What am I missing here? I thought she wanted to date me. I guess I'm relieved because I don't want a relationship but she still doesn't make any sense. It's gotta be my fault, I knew she was crazy before I started hanging out with her.
I met Emily's friend that she said she wanted to set me up with today. We all hung out together and when I wasn't confused about what Emily is up to we had a decent time. I'm starting to think she's fishing for me to say or do something to see how I feel about her instead of asking.
It looks like Emily is going away for a while for some family thing. Damn, I'm gonna miss her.
Emily came over today to say goodbye before she goes away. She was bawling all over me, and I didn't really know how to react to it. She wasn't too clear on why but she said she has to go and stay with her Dad's side of the family for a while and that she might not be back in time for the new school year. I really am going to miss her but she seemed more upset than was necessary. She tried to get me to enter a relationship with her right before she leaves. I guess the blind date set up thing was a ruse after all. I had to turn her down, of course and that definitely didn't make her feel any better. I hate to send her away like this.
I spent a good portion of today sort of moping around. I got over it by dinner, it's not like I'll never see her again. I suppose I'm bothered because of the circumstances of how she left and not the actual fact of her leaving. I considered telling her I love her so that she would be happy but that would only make things worse, because I don't.
I'm making the most of what remains of my summer vacay and I'm having a pretty amazing time. I'm reading some good books, catching up on some movies at night, playing road hockey a lot, video games out the wazoo, going fishing and a bunch of other shit.
My friends ran the possibility of doing LSD by me today. Great timing guys, school starts within the week. They say there's some goth chick they know who has some for sale. I'm down with trying new things and everything but LSD has a pretty bad reputation. I never thought I'd have the chance to do anything psychedelic. There's no way I'm going to do it unless I know enough about it so I'll spend some time tomorrow reading up on it a little. I've never tried drugs before… well that's not true, I've been drunk a bunch. Alcohol is pretty much a legal drug. My friend made the point that if you're willing to get drunk then you're alright with altering your consciousness and you shouldn't hold prejudice over other intoxicants because of their legality. He's a huge fucking hippie though.
I tried acid the other day, all in all it was a good decision. The goth chick was in the park nearby and was messaging my friend to come buy some LSD and to bring scissors. I couldn't imagine what the scissors were for but we grabbed a pair and went to meet up with her. I bought a hit for me and a few of my buds. We returned to the backyard to sit in a circle facing each other on lawn chairs like we usually do. I tried to get the other guys to do a hit with me but they all chickened out. Ridiculous, since it was all their idea anyway. The hits cost 5 bucks a piece, so those motherfuckers better use them or I'll be pissed. They wanted me to do it on my own first so they could see if it was safe enough. They are such fucking chickens, I still can't believe them.
I'll admit I was a little nervous about it because LSD is so powerful and not everything I read about it was good news. I tried to read from sources that were as unbiased as possible, and then I read the biased ones on both sides. The anti druggers were what I expected; they had only a loose idea of what the drug actually is and delivered no relevant or useful information. All they were trying to do is scare people out of using it without explaining anything. They didn't even tell me what it looks like, if I had of listened to them anyone could give me acid at any time and I'd never know it. It's a clear liquid that is so powerful a pinprick's worth will fuck you up for 15 hours. You can put it in a drink or on a sugar cube or even drop it into your eyeballs and you're flying high for over half a day. I learned all that within minutes from those that are unbiased.
We got our acid on blotter paper which you chew until it sort of dissolves. It's just this tiny tiny piece of paper that has an even tinier amount of LSD soaked into it. That's all it is, crazy right? Can you believe the potency of this stuff? 15 hours! From the tiniest droplet.
The pro drug people had more information to offer and were generally more helpful. Some were over encouraging because of how excited they were about it. They gave me a lot of helpful tips to have a good trip but I figured I should never trust a biased opinion when it comes to something like this. I went back to the encyclopedic neutral sites to verify. From them I learned that LSD is not addictive, incredibly safe, and even useful. It's not without it`s frightening traits however. I read about bad trips and possibly endangering yourself through delirium. Bad trips were described as the worst thing you could experience, like being as full of fear and confusion as humanly possible, but nothing about acid is directly physically harmful. It was recommended that I keep that in mind while high because logic is supposed to be comforting. They say the only reason people get hurt from LSD is because they decide to do stupid things when they`re high; like drive a car or climb things. Most of the pro druggers said that you'll only do something stupid if you're already an idiot when sober. They said only take one hit your first time per batch because you don't know how potent it will be. You might be getting two or three hits worth on one blotter if the chemist made the slightest mistake in measurement, or you might just get a headache and feel sleepy if there wasn't enough.
I've written so much and I'm tired, I'll write more about my trip tomorrow...
Back to what I was writing about the other day; I really looked into this shit. I wanted to be careful, and I even talked to my Mom and Dad about doing it since I value their opinion and I know they're reasonable people. Again, I'm so glad I can actually talk to my parents about anything. If they were like most parents, and I were like most kids my age something could have gone pretty wrong… but my folks don't give me any reason to fear them. All they said is that they preferred I didn't do it, or at least wait until I'm an adult. They wanted to find out as much about it as they could after that. Once they knew as much about it as I did we talked more about it and they said that even if they tried to forbid it I would probably do it anyway, "such is the nature of a teenager" says Dad. And they're totally right, I would have done it anyway. They said that if I do, do it I won't be in any trouble and I can definitely still come home and be honest about everything and they'll make sure I'm ok. They also asked me to let them know when I do it and where I'm going to be, which I did.
So anyway, I've been dying to write about my trip but I'm too tired again… tomorrow for sure, I just really wanted to get the prep stuff off my mind. LSD is such a huge experience and I really want to get down how I feel about it all.
Okay here we go, let's get this on paper.
I only did one hit, like I said, not knowing how potent it was. I was sitting in the lawn chair circle as I popped my hit, chewed for a bit then swallowed. I read that it takes an hour or so to feel anything so I sat there while everyone pretty much stared at me waiting for me to go insane.
When I finally started to rise, it felt as if I had a billion gigawatts of electricity in me. Overwhelmed by the energy, I bounced my legs up and down non-stop. It wasn't unpleasant and the metal on the chair I was sitting on felt soft. I was overcome with a sense of wellbeing and comfort.
The trees that were nearby had the most amazing colour to them. As the sun gleamed off of the leaves and I took it in I eventually felt even better, nothing could possibly have bothered me. It was akin to the joy you feel on Christmas morning as a kid, except as soon as all your presents are unwrapped you're told it's also your birthday and your childhood pets have come back to life. You know how people say real life isn't all sunshine and rainbows? On LSD it is.
After an undeterminable amount of time Mother Nature crashed in and caused everyone to get a little cold so we tried to figure out a place to go. The cold didn't bother me, I wanted to walk around the city and visit strangers but the sober among us eventually decided we should get food and go to my house. Known to me at the time as "that place where I keep my Mom and my pants".
We stopped off at the local convenience store for money and something to drink. As I was inside I could feel the machinery. It was an odd feeling, and was fairly uncomfortable. It's hard to explain. It was as if several robots were looming over me, trying to intimidate me. I was glad to escape the robots to find the sky filled with clouds in various shades of purple. I thought they were supposed to be that color at the time, but I was told over and over that I was wrong.
Upon entering my room, as I got a chance to notice my surroundings I saw that my friend's skin tone had changed to orange. The whole room had a beige feeling to it, and I imagined that my vision was so clear that it was confusing me. I found joy in everything. After a while my friends got tired of me and my joy and went home. They were sure enough that I'd be okay.
I decided I didn't want to be alone so I threw on the messaging program. I talked to one of the guys I sent home with a hit who decided to do his at 11:11. I would stayed up with him while he went on his journey, as I was ending mine. At this point I was still going through the peak as every so often it would rise up again just as I thought I was coming down. This drug made me want to experiment with everything. I made a drawing that turned out pretty well, although quite messy looking at the same time. I sang out loud to entertain myself. Music was wonderful. If there is one thing you do on acid you should listen to music. I was still brimming with energy at two in the morning.
At one point as I was typing on the computer small things would pop up on the screen when I was concentrated on the keyboard. When I would look directly at the screen they would be gone. I suspected it was monitor elves. The keyboard was a sight to behold as well; the shadows on the sides of the keys were purple and green. Even shadows had color. At one point a rainbow scampered over my hands as they rested on the board. The kind you usually find lazing about on a wall on a Sunday afternoon.
At five in the morning I was finally all the way down. I could still feel the presence but not enough to affect me. It took another day with rest for it to fully go away. I really enjoyed the trip but I'm guessing it wasn't a powerful hit since most of my hallucinations were only minor visual ones. I never felt too confused. I talked to my friends about it the next day to compare our trips. Everyone said it was mild but we were all still very happy with the experience. It's a good thing that it wasn't too intense and we got to ease ourselves in, so now we know what to expect for next time.
I still can't get over how amazing LSD is. I just spent twenty minutes staring out the kitchen window thinking about it. My coffee had gone cold before I finally snapped out of it. I wish I could explain the feeling of it. The best I can do is to say that it was like seeing everything as it truly is; wonderful, ridiculous and terrifying. It makes you… perceive differently, the world is different, you are a different creature, as if everything makes no sense but complete sense at the same time. It's truly incredible. It's something everyone should be able to experience.
Today I told someone at school about LSD and they acted like I was a monstrous crack addicted baby murderer. I'll be careful about who I talk to about it from now on. How terrible is it that something so amazing has such a bad reputation? Not all drugs are the same; it's weird how people don't know this. People generally view drugs as all the same thing with only similar negative effects. I understand that we can't have any average Joe drop acid on a whim and that drugs can be incredibly dangerous but this prejudiced uninformed attitude about them has got to go. LSD is not rat poison, you heard that from someone who heard it from someone else, it isn't true. You can't get addicted to LSD, it doesn't fry your brain, it doesn't stay in your spinal cord, it doesn't cause mental illness and it doesn't make you think you can fly. Rumors and misinformation spread too easily.
I Hung out with Emily's friend today at lunch. She kept asking me if I've been dating anyone. I think she's trying to check up on me for Emily. That is pretty fucking annoying. I hate this roundabout shit, if she wants to know what I'm up to she should call me herself. I avoided telling her friend about the LSD trip so now she knows I'm hiding something, which will no doubt reach Emily and then upset her. Motherfuck!
It's a whole new world. A world of drugs. This past week I had access to painkillers and coke. I looked up stuff about them like I did with acid and every source listed quite a few cons for them. I chose not to partake. I was disappointed at how unhealthy they seem to be. I really wanted them to be as "safe" as LSD so I could experience them. Oh well. I suppose I will never fulfill my dream of snorting lines off of various parts of a hooker.
I fucking won the game of risk. Holy fuck, that went on forever.
I love my family. I love being here. I love my friends.
School is fucking boring as all fuck, but at least it's easy. Sometimes I feel like school goes on too long and that I'm not really learning anything. If I wasn't as social I would probably drop out and get my equivalency.
Emily's friend is now blatantly asking if I'm "screwing around". I am beyond pissed. I told her to tell Emily to fuck off as nicely as possible and that we aren't a couple. She hasn't even called me since she went away, what a psycho.
Once again, I only did one hit. I don't plan on ever venturing any further than that. With LSD there is no practical way to gauge how intense the trip to come is going to be. My first time was nowhere near as intense as this one, and I did only one hit last time as well. It was three of us this session, and the others also did one hit. We took our hits at 5:00 PM and sat around in my friend's room for 45 minutes waiting for our other bud to bring a vinyl over. During the 45 minutes I could feel myself getting more and more energy. I couldn't open my eyes wide enough or stop moving my leg up and down, similar to last time. After a bit of music we started on our way to my place of living. The trees on the way there seemed to be squirming a little bit. When we arrived home we sat and relaxed. This is when it started to kick in.
I started to wig-out being in my room. I was getting constant visuals as I sat there in my computer chair. My bed's comforter was swishing up and down like waves while the patterns on it were meshing into each other. My walls and the shadows that were being created by my half opened window were breathing, occasionally growing "arms" and reaching out to the other shadows to greet each other. My friend asked me to find a song on the computer, and as soon as I turned the monitor on purple dots burst out of nowhere, sprinkling down like snow. My mouse was trailing and I found it hard to keep focused, it was a captivating thing to look at. I needed to be reminded to find the song. When I was getting closer to finding the song my friend stuck a lighter in front of my face and started to light it over and over, laughing maniacally. I tried to ignore it but couldn't, the colour orange was all I could see. This was too intense for me, it was like my very existence was on fire or something. I had to get the two of them to stop moving and talking for a sec so I could calm down. Somehow that put out my existence fire. Shortly after I found the song and let my friend sit in the computer chair. I walked over and stood in front of my door so I would be able to scout everything in the room. My friend started to pretend to break my computer by typing roughly and proclaiming "I'm breaking your machine, yeeeeahhh hahahah"
Not long after there was a knock on the door. It was my mom calling me down for dinner. I had forgotten that I had to do this. I didn't want my parents to know I was high even though they pretty much said it was okay before. It was sort of irrational but I thought they might give me a scornful look or start asking me questions or make me stay home and I didn't want that.
I had my friends stay in my room while I went to finish dinner. At this point I was still peaking. We sat down at the dinner table and began to eat. Every bite of meat caused me to cringe like someone just stuck a pin in me. I can't eat meat on psychedelics; all I can think about is that it was once part of something alive. Sober, on the other hand, I can gobble dead animals endlessly guilt free. I was trying to act normal but it wasn't working very well. I was shaking like a maniac, constantly dropping my food. I was sitting in between them, both asking me questions I found hard to answer. All I could manage were very simple yes and no responses. I started to hallucinate again and was laughing moderately. My dad asked what was so funny and I told him it was Seinfeld, which was on TV in the other room. When my plate was mostly clear I went back into the room where the other two were and fell onto my knees grasping my bed like I was about to be sucked out of an airlock into space.
Back in my room the visuals hit hard. I grabbed a mirror and looked into it. My eyes were dark and the reflection of what was behind me was melting. I carefully put the mirror back and checked behind me. I was all over my room, I stood at the end of the bed on my knees, the side of the bed, on the bed, with one leg on the bed, I laid on the floor, and leaned against my closet doors. Someone suggested that I close my eyes, hold my breath and concentrate. I did, and my mind treated me to an explosion of beautiful swirling colours. After I reopened them the color in the room started to slowly brighten and start meshing together like paint on a palette. I lost the ability to make any objects out. I stood up to survey the room again, thoughts racing. Seeing so many objects was too much for me so I decided to lay on the floor for a bit.
The three of us finally mustered enough willpower to go to the park. At the park I used the swings. The motion of it made a melty/streamy effect on my eyes. It was sunset. I stared off with my friends until the sun went down. This everyday summerish sunset was so marvelous I don't even know how to describe it. I don't really know how to describe any of this, all I can think to do is log down the visuals. The feeling that goes along with acid is what I should really be writing about, but I really can't find the words.
Insects started to bother us too much so we walked down the road until I decided I didn't want to venture any farther. There would be no way I could walk very far home on my own without freaking out. I think the darkness was getting to me. We stood and talked a bit more then parted ways for the night. I walked home, went to my computer and started typing, this is what I had to say:
"Fuck, I somehow managed to get home. It was only a block but it seemed like forever. All these creatures are living together like this...it was kind of gross, but cosy. I heard noises behind me, like whispering sounds. Lights would flare up behind me with the voices, but as I would look back on them only a mesh of colour would be there in front of what is supposed to be vision.
Let's recount on some things: I am on LSD and tonight is the most fucked I've ever been. Oh I know, I'll put the keyboard on my lap. SWEET. I had just spent too long fucking with this piece of plastic, trying to get comfortable with it. Holy shit. And I still have.............hahahahahahaahahahahah
A bunch of hours to go!! I can't even count em. Just couldn't do it.
The computer screen is shining brightly, it's comforting. awww now it's gone.
Oh look it's an eternity. FUCK, I keep going out into the hallways to see if I have to urinate, but then I forget to and just come back here. and write about it? Guess so. I think I managed oh OHHHHH! Not again you fucker!
The people that I live with are going to think I'm on LSD or something.
Gotta jumpstart this baby onto my lap again. I can't wait to go through all the shit I went through after I'm successfully grounded. Why am I thinking about sweet griffons? I have no responsibilities right now, or even all of tomorrow. We gotta get some weed in us. Wait, there's only me here. I gotta get some weed in ME. Not us. Minutes are going by like seconds at times. I'm going to watch.
Enough of this plastic. I'm gonna draw."
It was then 11:00 PM, I would be awake all night. I stayed on my computer until I eventually fell asleep to have pleasant dreams about air conditioned rooms.
Emily's friend Heather tried to have sex with me and I somehow managed to turn her down. If I could trust that she wasn't trying to pull some bullshit trap on me I would be balls deep by dinner time. I feel like Emily has lost her mind over something. She's desperately trying to find out if I am, or will be with anyone else. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but my guts tell me otherwise. Speaking of this, I need to get more condoms just in case… and might I just say thank god my parents were never shy about talking to me about sex or Emily might be preggered right about now effectively ruining all our lives. That's what children are for; ruining your life.
I'm feeling really good lately, other than Emily and her bullshit nothing is out of place. I think if her friend tries to get it on with me again I'll go for it. If Emily is actually going to send her to do that then I don't want her around anyway.
I told my parents I was high on acid while having dinner with them and they thought it was funny. They told me to just tell them next time. They asked me all about LSD and asked me to be really careful, which I am. They were very insistent on me letting them know when I do drugs so that if anything goes wrong they can take care of me right away. I don't have to skulk around and hide anything from them. Next time I'll tell them for sure. I felt stupid for not telling them last time.
I'm pretty sure I was over the fake guilt people feel when they do drugs almost instantly. I'm like that with a lot of things. Especially when they don't matter or aren't actually bad things to do. I am technically a criminal, though I know that doing drugs isn't wrong. Breaking the law really brings it under question. It made me realize that just because something is a crime, it doesn't mean the crime is inherently a bad thing to do. For instance; in some southern state it's illegal to keep donkeys in bathtubs… and let's not forget the prohibition laws in which alcohol was illegal for five minutes until the government realized what a horrible mistake they made.
This has been one of the most relaxing weeks so far. I've perfected my method of never having homework while still getting all my work done. I'm pretty proud of myself.
Heather says Emily has been taking non prescribed sleeping pills due to stress. I'd better give her a call.
Mom and Dad told me they're super proud of me. It was quite sincere and touching. I'm so lucky to have good parents. Just imagine, if I were an idiot and they were bad parents I might be a mess right now in some sort of retarded unnecessary fear fuelled guilt trip about doing LSD and having sex.
I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately, and it makes me get really anxious sometimes. I always end up thinking about death and how plausible and real it is. Once the coffee wears off and I rehydrate though, I'm not afraid to die in the least. Caffeine and sugar are some crazy shit. It's no wonder they're the world's favorite drugs; they taste good, they're easy to get, and they don't fuck you up long enough or intensely enough to be a large burden on everyday life.
Oh, and my phone call with Emily went well enough. I think she wanted my attention. She might have been acting for all I know but I think if I just call her every now and then she'll be fine. We actually had a good conversation after she was done her initial cry. I still have no idea why she had to move away, and she doesn't want to talk about it, so I won't pry. I think whatever she's going through with her family right now is taking a toll on her. I guess I'll keep an eye on the situation while keeping a respectful distance.
I really do feel good lately. So good, in fact, I think something might be wrong with me. I have a doctor's checkup tomorrow afternoon so maybe I'll ask him if it's possible to be too content and happy.
Everyone at school seems to be struggling with something. Kids are cutting themselves and taking sleeping pills to avoid dealing with how they feel, like Emily is. I really can't even imagine, but I hope they get someone to help them… Maybe I should be the one to help.
I told my doctor about the LSD and he was surprised. He admitted he didn't know much about it and then suggested I don't take any more. I figure I would tell him even if I was keeping it a secret from my parents. Doctors are there for your health, not to blow your cover, although they might anyway… I've said it before but damn am I glad I have smart parents.
I asked him about being too happy. He laughed and said that there were some medical issues that cause euphoria but it was highly unlikely that I have any of them. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a weird kid. Probably cus I am.
On my run today I did 6 more laps than usual and was barely tired. It might be getting a bit easy for me so I was thinking I might get some arm weights.
Heather ratted Emily out about trying to get tranquilizers. We called her up and gave her the ultimatum that if she didn't stop we would come steal her away. Heather and I both will put her up for a while. If it comes to that it will probably be at Heather's house and not mine since she's a girl and her parents have a guest room anyway. I can't wait to get her through this.
Looks like Emily is coming to stay with her friend in a week or so. Fucking finally.
My family started up another game of risk, and since I won last time Mom and Dad say they're gunning for me this round. I'll have to play defensively at first until they start going after each other.
Emily moved in with her friend the other day. She wanted to come hang out right away but I dodged it. I figure she should get settled in first before she comes to bawl on me. I'd like to keep my shoulders as dry as possible.
I got my hair cut really short today and it feels nice. I got sick of it bouncing all over in my eyes when I go for my runs. I like how easy it is to maintain. I had sort of hippy shag going on. I also found some super cheap dress shirts that fit nice and I think I'm going to start being a bit dressier.
I had a nice night in with the folks playing Risk. They made sure I wasn't being stupid with drugs and told me some things they found out about them. I guess they've been doing some research. They know Emily is back in the city and told me there was a basket of condoms in the bathroom medicine cabinet. Gotta appreciate their subtly, right? After that they hit me with a refresher of the "sex talk". It might sound like I'm annoyed but I'm not. I'm actually amused because I know more than they could guess. I appreciate them being able to talk to me, and thinking they'd better be sure I know about sex despite how awkward it might be… which it really wasn't.
Emily and I are hanging out again and she's even more fun than before she left. I told her about the LSD trips I took and she seemed captivated. I doubt I'll ever give her any because she seems prone to use drugs as an escape, what with the whole tranquilizers thing.
We went out for coffee today to chat each other up. She seemed a bit dumpy so I put a ban on negative subjects during coffee time. For the rest of the day we only talked about positive things and joked around. She said she knew a kid who had coke and wanted to try it. I put the kibosh on that idea and told her not to bother with addictive kinds of drugs. I don't think they're worth the risk. I told her if she wants to get high she can do a lot better than coke and that maybe I could set her up. I want her to really know and understand drugs (as much as you can pre trip) before she did anything. I sort of told her this just to prevent her from doing coke. I probably shouldn't have because I don't think drugs are a good fit for her, at least not at this point in her life. I mean, she just got out of some horrible situation that she can't even talk about yet. I don't think it's good to take drugs unless you're generally content in life and the drugs don't have too many negatives going for them.
We ended up having sex in the park after sunset. There are some trees towards the back where I hiked up her skirt and bent her over. I kept staring at her hands and how she was steadying herself on the tree and the way she would grip the bark as she was making noise…fuck. She's hot. The sense of risk was pretty hot, I guess. I suppose I'm a thrillfucker. The only reason I was worried about getting caught was because she's kind of a loud lay, it's like she can't be quiet. I'm not complaining because it only makes her hotter.
Mom keeps saying I'm looking quite snazzy. She always does that; I roll my eyes since her mom levels are through the roof.
Jimmy says he can set me up with a job at a restaurant. I'd be washing dishes probably but I wouldn't mind some cash to play around with. I'll call to set up an interview tomorrow.
I've been neglecting this journal for a bit because I've been busy with work and friends. Dishwashing sucks pretty bad and I think I'll probably quit soon. The pay is terrible because I'm a student and everyone is always ditching their shifts. I compared dishwashing with shit shovelling and honestly couldn't figure out which job is worse. I guess it's more of the place rather than the job that's bad. Maybe I'll go work somewhere else.
I lost the game of risk to Dad, but only by a bit.
I found another coke contact at work, but I don't fucking want coke. When am I going to get my hands on some weed or shrooms?
The rents are starting to push universities on me but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go. I haven't told them yet because I'm still not completely sure and I know that will make them worry. It's pretty important to them. Sometimes their vast amount of affection for me is overwhelming. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I haven't even decided if I want to finish high school. I know I want the diploma and I will at least get the equivalency. The problem is that I don't feel like I'm really learning anything anymore. I've been considering moving around when I'm a bit older and doing some exploring. The world is too big, terrible and wonderful to stay in one place devoting all my time to some study I won't care about as my youth drains out of me. Plus it's fucking expensive as shit and I don't really want to be in student debt til I'm 50.
I finally got my hands on some weed. I've come close to trying it once before but I was ushered away from it by some greedy douche who didn't want to share the hotbox. It was a small amount of weed anyway so I probably wouldn't have gotten that high.
Yesterday however, was the day. Like usual I looked everything up about weed to see if it's generally safe/worth it. It is. The only downside is that it's smoking which is horrible for you. On the other hand most people stop smoking it after a while since you build a tolerance to it and it loses it's magic. You can also vaporize it and "smoke" it that way and then there really isn't anything detrimental about it.
Barry, Rob, Aden, and I pooled in for a dub and went to Barry's basement to smoke that shit. His parents weren't home so it was the perfect place. None of us could roll a joint so we fashioned a makeshift pipe out of a vacuum cleaner part and some mesh from a microphone. We even had a little shotgun hole on the side where the vacuum attaches. It was stupid and we probably shouldn't have smoked it that way. Some of the metal or mesh or whatever could have been poisonous or some shit. The hits were so harsh we all had to have glasses of water with us that we would gulp down between hoots.
Once we were done with the dub we all went upstairs in a train formation and started laughing hysterically about it. When I reached the top stair I thought I heard Barry's Mom scream "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" in that screechy voice women get when they're ultra pissed. I have no idea where that came from. No one else heard it and I doubt I was hallucinating because you're not supposed to really hallucinate that intensely on pot. When I heard it I froze and gasped. I thought it was all over and that I was busted (even though my parents wouldn't really care, and already knew I was going to try it). It was a moment of pure panic, the same way you feel when you get caught by Mom when writing on the walls as a toddler.
We ate everything. Absolutely everything we could eat. Barry told me he got in shit for it later on so we'll have to be careful next time. Pizza would probably be a good idea.
In short; we laughed like idiots and ate everything until we got headaches. My verdict is that pot is killer.
I think Emily thinks we're a couple again. Gonna have to talk to her about that soon.
In other news weed is wicked and we've been getting a little session going almost every day. I don't know how we manage to get enough cash together every time but we always pull through. It's pretty exciting and it's nice to be spending so much time with my friends on something we all have in common to work on together. The money problem could be tricky to get through soon so we had a discussion about selling it. I don't think I'm going to do it. I don't want to get busted and frankly it seems like a shitty job that I don't want to get enveloped by. I doubt anyone else will sell it either. I mean; it might be worth it as long as I didn't buy in bulk (because that's when you can get in some shit) but yeah, like I said I don't think it's worth the risk and I don't want to be running around all the time doling it out, skulking around. I'll solve my funding problem some other way.
I'm still teeter tottering on the dropping out thing. High school is feeling more and more like its only purpose is babysitting to prevent me from doing things I already do. If I drop out then I can take a couple months off to figure things out, and then start working on the equivalency. After that I can start working and move around. I can do that, or I can wait and finish high school the old fashioned way and I wouldn't miss my friends. I guess I could always move around later, but I'm still unsure.
I don't think I want to hang around with Emily anymore. She wants to have sex way too much (which is crazy because I never thought that would be a problem for me) and she thinks we're a couple no matter what I say to her. I have no idea how to let her down easy, and I know for a fact that she's not going to understand. Why am I talking like I'm breaking up with her? We were never going out to begin with.
So why do people think drug dealers deal to grade school kids? It doesn't make any sense, it's a sure fire way to get busted. Only a total scumbag would give a kid drugs. Seems like fear and smear tactics or ignorant rumor spreading to me.
When I was a little kid all I knew is that drugs were bad and not to do them. The real problem was that I didn't know what they looked like or what they were called so if I ever did come across them I would have done them anyway as long as nobody said they were drugs. Commercials and public service announcements that I would see as a child would tell me drugs were bad but then never expand on it, Which basically makes them useless.
If you want an effective way to keep kids off drugs just tell them the truth. There are plenty of real scary facts about drugs. You need to be fair and not misleading at all or it won't get taken to heart when they become teenagers. Kids are smarter than you think.
I caught Emily and Heather diking it out with each other today. For someone so concerned about getting cheated on you'd think she wouldn't be a cheater herself. I guess she technically isn't since we were never going out, but in her mind we were. The whole reason I went over there was to tell her I didn't want to hang out with her anymore. Now I can't because she'll think it's because I caught her with her tongue in Heather. I wasn't grossed out or mad or anything, I wanted to give them privacy. Now I would guess she feels embarrassed or something because the phone is ringing off the hook. I'm trying to decide if I should let her think "it's over" because of this whole thing. It might be easier this way since straight up telling her we are not a couple has never worked yet. The only problem is; it isn't the truth. I guess I'll have to call her up.
Why is it I can't get any fucking shrooms around here? Coke and painkillers are everywhere but the good generally non harmful drugs are nowhere to be found. I guess it's because they're not as expensive or addictive and dealers are in it to make money? I'd pay a premium for acid and shrooms if I could just find someone who is selling them.
I was thinking more about dropping out today and I'm leaning towards doing it sooner rather than later. I have family around that I could stay with and explore while I get ready for the equivalency test. What prompted me into this was looking into what courses I'll have after Christmas break. They're juuuuust about useless and I can already read, write and do math decent enough. High school math is a boatload of bullshit. It's so impractical, we are literally using graphing calculators for almost the entire semester. Graphing calculators we will never see again in our lives. Why are they wasting our time? Why is this a mandatory course?
Y'know what? Fuck it, I'm not going back next semester. As of this moment I am officially a dropout.
Christmas was awesome, like usual. I told my parents what my plans are and they're fine with it as long as I get the equivalency. My grandparents offered to be the first stop on my travels and that's fine by me. Grandma is an amazing cook and Grandpa always takes me fishing. They're both loaded and have a nice house to stay at in some rich neighborhood a few cities away. They said they would stay here a few more days to let me get everything in order and then they'd take me home with them. Everything is working out better than expected.
I slept like a baby last night. It's morning as I write this and today I'm planning on packing some stuff together. I'm not going to say any goodbyes until the last minute before I go, especially to Emily. Knowing her she isn't going to take it very well... but this is what I want to do with my life. I don't want to hurt her feelings but to put it bluntly; I don't owe her anything. That sounds harsh. I think I might actually be feeling a bit guilty about going away. I have to keep telling myself I'm not responsible for her feelings and that I never agreed to be in a relationship.
I'm in the car with my grandparents as I type this, and for the end of December it is a decently beautiful day. Already, Grandma and Grandpa are saying to stay as long as I want and they're really stressing it. I think they miss having young people around to dote on. While I'm with them I'm going to make sure to really get to know them since I never really have before, and that's a shame.
Earlier today I broke the news about moving to Emily last out of all my friends. To say the she didn`t take it well would be an understatement. I don`t even want to write about it, actually.
I feel like a prince in my grandparents' house. It is so much more room than they need. I wonder how they even got this place for themselves because Grandpa worked at a factory his whole life and Grandma was/is a homemaker. Speaking of; Grandpa said he could get me a sweet job at his old factory if I wanted. Some job where I sit in a little dark room and answer phone calls during the evenings, except since it's the evening there won't be many calls and I can sit there doing whatever I want.
It's New Year's Eve; I'm gonna smoke doobs and sit by the frozen river all day, then watch the fireworks while I'm good n' baked at night.
No regrets on coming out here. I toured around the city today because I knew nobody would be out. It was very post-apocalyptic walking around completely on my own. It was like being out for a stroll in the middle of an ice age. It might have been a good time to trip on acid but I just wasn't in the mood.
I started the job Gramps got me and it is as easy as he said. I think I only answered 3 calls all night. I get 20 bucks an hour to do it, which is amazing. I think I understand why Gramps is so rich now. I only work 5 hours a shift and I get out early enough to still have my evenings. I'm going to go to the work-clothes store to get the best pair of winter steel toe boots I can after work tomorrow. I'm planning to do a lot of walking here. I could use a new jacket, gloves and hat too. The cold isn't so bad as long as you dress for it. It's a really nice feeling to step out into 30 below weather and not be uncomfortable. I don't want to hide inside with everyone else because of the cold.
I'm so glad I decided to do drugs. I feel like they're the whole reason I'm so happy and that I keep making the best decisions possible. Before I move on from the Grand-rents house I'll stop off at home to stockpile more drugs. This way I won't get homesick and it will give me a chance to save up some cash for my next adventure.
…Actually no. Drugs are not why I'm so happy lately. I'm happy because of my own decisions. Drugs are a part of it because they bring me great joy, but I need to take responsibility for my own happiness. I made all the right moves and decisions that brought me to where I am. It was me.
My days here are so fulfilling and full of excitement that to attempt to write them down in my journal would be an insult to the amount of fun and joy I'm experiencing.
I bought the newest Nintendo handheld. Good lord, I'll never be bored again. I brought it to work with me today and the shift flew by. I got paid a hundred bucks to play Mario Kart for 5 hours. Best job. Oh, and I was promoted too, to 25 bucks an hour, in a slightly bigger room where I answer even less calls. The only added responsibility is if this one light changes color I have to call the supervisor.
My boss; Mr. Barry seems to really like me. He ordered me a pizza today at work and invited me over to his place for dinner sometime. He says he wants me to meet his daughter, so I guess I see what's going on here. I like Mr. Barry, he's a gruff middle aged dude with a huge mustache that's always making sexist jokes. He'd probably sell his daughter to me if he could.
I've been meeting a lot of girls lately out on the town when I go exploring. They're easier to talk to in this city. I think on average the people here are friendlier than back home. There's this one redhead at the corner store with an ass that just won't quit. Maybe I should try to get laid… It's funny; every time I even consider it I can't help but think about how upset Emily would be. She's the only thing that makes me feel guilty for coming out here, and she shouldn't. I need to get over it.
I went over to Mr. Barry's tonight and fucked the shit out of his daughter within 3 hours of getting there. Michelle is super nice, and very forward. Forwardness is something I really appreciate. Dinner was also nice, Mrs. Barry makes some kick ass tacos and despite the age gap I seem to get on just fine with them, like I would with any of my friends my own age.
Work was pretty fun today. The phone in my office is portable so I took it around the factory to explore. I almost feel guilty letting them pay me so much for doing so little.
Michelle wants me to come to a fancy party in a few days. I was hoping I'd get to spend some more time with her.
The party is a retirement function for an elderly relative of hers. She says she wants me to dress up a bit. I shouldn't have too much trouble with that since I've replaced most of my wardrobe with button up shirts and slacks a while ago. I will need to buy a tie and maybe a vest or a suit jacket, but that's it.
My Grandma invited me to stay for another 6 months if I wanted to. She says she needs a young back to mow the lawn but I know she just likes having me around. It's also the middle of winter, the grass hasn't even considered growing yet.
I sat by the frozen river all day again, smokin' weed. The snow sparkled like jewellery and I could smell the residential area's chimney smoke in the air. The snow was the nice fluffy stuff that floats out of your way as you walk. I like being alone, I feel almost as content as when I'm surrounded by others. I feel like I get a healthy balance of both.
Stayed in my room not worrying about anything all day.
I went to the party with Michelle today. It was a good time. Everyone looked really nice and was fairly friendly. A lot of Michelle's relatives were curious about me. It made me worry she's going to get too serious about us, so now I'm going to keep my distance from her. I'll need to make it clear we shouldn't get too involved. I'm not going to have an Emily in every city I go to.
At one point out back some people were passing a joint around but I didn't take the opportunity. I spent all day yesterday and the day before smoking the stuff so I wasn't in the mood. Weed really isn't addictive (as in; medically and scientifically proven), which is funny because it's made out to be by people who've never done it. I mean, it's so crazy how you're basically allowed to lie about something as long as the majority of people think it's for a good reason or aren't aware of the truth.
When we got back we were pretty drunk and I got Michelle out of her nice dress lickety split. She wanted me to tie her up and choke her a bit. Normally I would have hesitated but since I was wasted I really gave it to her. She's fun… and she can really take a wallop.
I've been going to all sorts of parties lately. Michelle seems to know about every single one and always asks me to come. I've been drinking too much so I'm going to cut it back a bit.
At one of the parties a couple people brought heroin out and the room went dead silent until they felt awkward and left. I'm okay with people who wanna do heroin or whatever. I didn't want them to leave, I just don't want to touch their heroin. Heroin grosses me the fuck out, and it's mad scary, but that could just be my ignorance talking since I haven't even really looked into it. I can't get past the whole needle thing and I've never heard anything about it that makes it seem worth the risk. I talked to the two that left the party afterwards to find out about it and they said it was indescribably good but not to bother with it if you aren't an incredibly responsible person with willpower of steel. I didn't know if that sounded like me but either way I doubt I'll ever try it. Maybe I'd try it if I came down with some incurable disease with no hope of survival or get super super old, cuz then why fuckin' not?
On to the next topic: I'm thinking about moving on to another city soon. I've been here for a month now and had some pretty great experiences. I don't want to get too comfy or else I could stay forever. Admittedly, the main reason I'm getting a move on is because of Michelle, best not kid myself in my own journal.
I looked into new jobs and apartments in the surrounding cities but didn't find anything concrete. I have enough money to not even need a job, but I should probably keep a decent resume without too many blank spots.
Found some cheap student housing in a downtown shopping area. I put in my first and last today after checking it out. It's a nice place, already completely furnished and very cozy. I think I'll catch up on reading/drawing while I'm there since I won't know anyone right away.
Everything inside the apartment is blue, and carpeted. The walls are close together with long hallways, it feels like everything is trying to hug you. I get good vibes here. Outside they have a patch of Astroturf, but just a patch of it, the rest is real lawn. I wonder if they hide something under it.
I'm all moved in and I'm pretty sure I already have a job at a hippie smoke shop. It's run by this old guy who doesn't want to really take care of the store anymore. He says he would basically be leaving the place in my hands, which I'm fine with. It sounds fun actually. The place could use some sprucing up along with some new stock. I'll see just how far he's willing to let me take care of this place.
When I left, Grandma cried and it made me feel bad. I told her I would come stay with her and Grandpa again soon to make her feel better.
I think I made Michelle cry too but she held was holding it in on the phone. It could have been a lot worse had I chosen to not leave now. From here on out I'm going to avoid developing bonds with people since I won't be staying in any given place for too long. I don't want to be a travelling heartbreaker.
I spent my first day at the shop cleaning and organizing everything. Some of the pipes in the showcase were actually broken. Everything was covered with dust. I put up a bunch of fractal posters and drug paraphernalia all over the walls and even painted the front door a bright green. It stands out all the way down the block. It took me all day to get everything looking nice and I kept the place open a few hours later. Business was alright. I mostly sold cigarettes and rolling tobacco, which is mega illegal for me to be doing since I'm still a minor. I doubt anyone will care because when people are out for smokes they don't take notice of much else.
Ciggies gross me out. It makes me angry that they're legal and highly poisonous while weed is neither of those things and illegal. It makes no sense.
I ordered some tie-dye clothes, other stoner merch, and set up a TV on the shelf behind the counter that I plan to play the old guy's movies on. He has a little collection stashed under the counter. I guess he used to sit at the register and watch TV all day. I told him to get some convenience store stuff in there because there isn't one for blocks. With all the bars and shops nearby he'd probably make a killing. He said he'd think about it, and then he saw what I did to the place. He lost his mind. He was so excited; it was like I gave him a new store.
I'm going to take it easy today since I've been going balls deep on the shop since I started. It's fulfilling. I think having something creative to work on was what was missing from my life. I might make a website and put all the stuff I write and draw on it. That will be what I'll do after I'm done in this city and it will be awesome to have something I can always work on. I'll start saving up for a better laptop. I want to pick up a guitar too.
I have to stop writing now; I have to go help Leon pick up a used cola refrigerator for the store.
I feel a little homesick. Maybe once I get the shop in ship shape I'll head back home to start on that website. Maybe I'll get my own store one day, but that won't be for at least a decade because I haven't even explored another country yet.
I'm going to head home tomorrow to check in on everyone. I don't know how long I'll stay since I'm enjoying setting up the store with Leon… Truth be told, I might stay home for a while and to hell with the rent that I've paid. It wasn't expensive anyhow.
Today at work a woman called me a sewer dweller because I smoke weed. It's nice to know people can still hate you based on nothing.
I am currently riding the coach bus back home. I brought everything of mine with me so I can decide to stay without having to jump back and pay for the bus again. Now might be the time to get the high school equivalency done since it will help me (maybe?) get jobs a little easier when I continue my travels. I called Leon before I left. He was disappointed but understanding. Who knows, I might come back sometime soon.
I'm starving. As soon as this bus stops I'm going to buy the biggest meal possible.
In a fit of spontaneity I decided to stay a night in a motel and I'm going to walk my way back home. It's been a while since I've had a good long walk.
It's good to be back home, but everyone acted like I was back from the dead or something. It was only a month and a half wasn't it? It was an awesome experience, and it's good to know I can return to that lifestyle anytime. For now though, let's get that piece of paper that's supposed to help me get jobs.
Mom is baking like a maniac and she's making it hard to study. Not that it's very difficult work but I can't seem to concentrate on it for long without going down to grab goodies.
So I guess all I have to do is read some materials and then take a test and then I'm technically a high school graduate… What a joke. This is further evidence that high school was designed to babysit rather than educate.
What does it mean when your mom slinks around?
Nobody really knows that I'm back home yet outside of my immediate family so I think I'll use this to my advantage and focus down this equivalency thing. I've been dragging my ass about doing it the past few days. The material is written as boringly as possible.
I was grabbing some papers at the store earlier and this kid was in there experimenting with some figures or some toy or something, y'know, just being curious. He wasn't hurting anything and his Mom just wigs on him, and tells him to come stand by her and stare at the floor. The poor kid looked so embarrassed. Do parents realize their children are human beings with a full range of emotions or is that something you can easily forget…?
Do you know that feeling when you first wake up but you're still in sleep mode? I feel the comfort of that all the time now, it's like I'm dreaming up my reality.
Came thiiiiis close to giving Emily a call today. I forgot how careful I need to be with her for a second there.
I feel like my Mom is up to something. She's been slinking around for most of today. It's like she's avoiding me. Should I be worried? If your mom is a slinkin', you'd best get thinkin'.
A surprise party. That's why mom was slinkin'. She threw me a surprise welcome home party, even though I was only gone for a month. I would have preferred to have stayed hidden from everyone since I was thinking about only staying until the test is done, but I can live with this.
Everyone ended up getting super wasted. There was so much yelling and singing, which also sounded more like yelling. People were getting piggybacks, smashing bottles out back, wrestling, dancing and some couple was fucking in the spare bathroom. I think it was actually my Mom and Dad who were in there and the mental image sickens me greatly. That's my parents for you. There was so much food everywhere we ended up throwing it around and doing stupid stuff with it. We blended a pizza and my Dad chugged it. My friends and I did enormous dry bong hoots followed by shots of jaeger. Emily and I banged in the shed in our back yard despite being fully able to go to my room and lock the door. I'm glad I got to see her and I'm glad my Mom threw this party for me. I ended up barfing my guts out and sitting completely still on the bathroom floor for many hours before being able to shamble my way to bed.
I still feel mildly hung over. Fuck.
My test is coming up tomorrow and I couldn't be more ready for this thing. I think after I finish I'll do small correspondence courses frequently so I can learn interesting shit. Or maybe I'll just read books. I don't need to spend money to get educated.
I fucking crushed that test. It was the easiest damn test I have ever taken. I should have dropped out sooner.
Someone at the park asked if I could get them some coke. I don't know where they got the idea that I was a dealer, but I told them I wasn't. They apologized and left me alone. I didn't think about it much until just now. I hope people don't think I'm slinging coke… I guess it doesn't really matter though, as long as I actually don't sling coke. Kind of a dumb thing to worry about.
Stocked up on 17 more hits of acid today. The dealer was a cool guy; he was dressed all in blue and had a thick French accent. The inside of his suit jacket had a multi colored parrot design on it. It was sick.
Looks like I might stick around a bit longer than I had thought I would. I just made plans for the next month to do stuff with family and friends. I was planning on doing a bunch of psychedelics, but I suppose there's no reason I can't do both.
I spent a few days at Heather's. I guess I never considered her my friend until now. She lives on a farm on the outskirts of town with her parents and Emily. There's a lot of room there and a lot of nature. We spent a lot of time by the pond wishing it was warm enough to go swimming, and having campfires with beers. I told the girls all about what I've been doing (but left Michelle out of the story) and all about my trips with psychedelics. That night we all slept in the same bed. Laying there with a cute girl under each arm I felt like a goddamn king.
Heather wants to spend time with just me and her soon, at Emily's request… This time I don't suspect any shenanigans. I think Emily wants us all to be good friends, and I want that too. I do need to be careful though because I still fully intend to travel again in a while.
I got bullied today! Holy shit eh? You don't even have to be in high school anymore and the assholes come to you instead. They wanted me to get them coke and wouldn't believe me that I've never had anything to do with it. They got pissed off about it and tried to give me an Indian burn. It was so fucked because Indian burns are something you do in grade school. Clearly this kid is a junkie still stuck in a child's mindset, except he's addicted to drugs. He was about twice my size and had other guys with him so there wasn't much I could do about it, but he can go suck a cock if he thinks I'll ever help him get anything. Surrendering and getting him the drugs would be the worst thing I could do. He's an animal and you can't show an animal that being violent gets you what you want. You need to show them that you get punished for it.
I fought back with everything I had. He was extra taken aback by my elbow to the face because he was expecting me to comply. I told him where he could go and that if he fucked with me any further I'd get a lot more people involved. He acted tough but deep down I know people like him are cowards and that I won't hear from him again.
I'm still pissed about what that idiot did yesterday so I left him a nice surprise in his locker that I found on Heather's farm. A nice ripe dead goose. I put it in a plastic bag with some manure for extra measure. It's nice being able to still go in the high school while not having to worry about getting expelled. The ball is in his court now, but I'm pretty sure he's actually a big pussy junkie who was grasping at straws.
I informed everyone that cares about me what happened so they know how to treat him from now on. My Dad says he's proud of me and that the most important thing is to always stick up for yourself.
Heather and I hung out all night, just the two of us. We mostly talked about Emily. She says that Emily took it pretty rough (understatement) when I left and constantly worries about me leaving again. For whatever reason, this girl loves me and even if I don't feel the same I need to take that into consideration when making decisions. She's stuck in love with me despite all my efforts, and I love her too, but I just can't be tied down. It's the absolute last thing I want in life. To be stuck like that would be worse than death. I don't know how to manage this situation but I'm sure I'll figure it out. At the very least I won't sneak away again without giving her time to cope.
Another topic was that Heather has shown an interest in psychedelics so I told her all about them. She wants to trip with me and Emily sometime but I said I don't think Emily is quite in the right frame of mind and she agreed. We came to the conclusion that we won't share any mind altering drugs with her until she has less on her plate. She's still dealing with her family troubles after all (which I still have no idea about).
At the end of the night we slept together (as in just sleeping). Her body is always nice and cool despite the temperature of the room and she's very cuddly. When I woke up I was spooning her and since we slept in our underwear I couldn't help but get hard from it. I was hoping she wouldn't notice but she definitely did because she kept pushing back into me. Despite the incredible temptation I didn't let it go any further than that. I'll avoid that kind of situation in the future for Emily's sake. It's kind of dirty of her best friend to do that to her but I guess I understand/am guilty too.
I bought a swanky as shit suit today, just cus. I'll have to find a time to flaunt it.
Two of that idiot's friends followed me down the block until I turned around and walked towards them. They crossed the street and hurriedly walked in the other direction. Confirmed pussies. They're exactly like animals; all tough and snarly until you stamp your foot at them.
Oh glory glory euphorie, I fucking love psychedelics. Anyone who says pot and acid are addictive is poorly mistaken! I can take them or leave them at any time, and when I do take them they're always the most amazing experiences of my life. To abstain from something like acid can be one of the most pointless mistakes a healthy person can make. When I don't feel like doing acid, it's amazing, I do this thing where I like; decide not to do it. Awesome! See, it's actual fact that they aren't addictive so that means they aren't addictive unless you have some sort of mental disorder, or something else is the matter with you. The anti-drug people have to be making it up that weed/acid are addictive because they want to scare other people out of doing them... This is the most stupid and ignorant way to get people not to do them! It's lying, and it's wrong. It's also quite insulting when you think about it.
All the smart kids who think they're just trying it out while they're still young are mostly doing exactly that. The vast majority of users only use weed and acid while they're young and then move on when they're older. It's some of the other actually addictive and considerably more dangerous drugs they need to look out for.
I consider weed and acid "life enhancers" you take them, soak them up, get amazing experiences and context to your life and then you use what you gained to better yourself and everything around you. That, or you don't and it's no big deal. If psychedelics are scary to you then you can simply choose not to do them.
The bullshit amount of money spent on "the war on drugs" should be spent instead on things like educating people on the actual dangers of drugs, and help and support for those that end up getting addicted. It's like punishing someone for catching a disease the way it is now.
Life with acid is a productive, colorful, creative and joyful existence. Anti-LSD and weed propaganda is all the same as that stupid movie; "Reefer Madness". In it the actors smoke pot and immediately turn insane. People laugh at that shit today, and people in the future will laugh at the anti-drug shit we put out now. It's all made by people who have never experienced what they're trying to discourage, it's completely idiotic. End of rant.
Despite my friend Pauline being anti-drug we still get along great. I mean, why wouldn't we? It would be a piss poor attitude to throw a friendship away just because a person does/doesn't do drugs. I'll never understand the violent and belligerent members of the straight edge community. There are actual people who go around beating the hell out of people just for smoking pot. If you want to keep your body in a state of what you consider purity then that is your choice, but if some stranger doesn't want to do that then why should you give the first shit?
My friends were doing painkillers today. They asked me if I wanted some and I said no. They told me they weren't really addictive but I'm still not taking any chances until I look into it myself. They seem like they could be addictive so I'll sit them out. I kinda wish they wouldn't do them either but it's their choice.
Snagged up a part time convenience store job for the time I'm back in town. It's easy work. The store isn't heavily trafficked so I have time to stand around reading and drawing.
Now that the weather is starting to get a bit nicer it's getting difficult to balance the job and hangouts at the same time.
We had a simple dinner and bday cake for my Mom in the evening. It was calm, relaxed, and she got everything she wanted.
I heard that a friend of a friend got busted with a bit too much pot on him and now maybe go to prison for a while. Tough break. Even though pot shouldn't be illegal in the first place it really isn't a good idea to be a dealer unless you're willing to do the time.
It's all a big waste of taxpayer money and court time anyway. It costs far less to have a pothead hang out in your basement than it does to jail em'. I heard the war on drugs costs billions per year and that the pot and drug industry has only steadily grown in response. I wonder how true it all is, but it sounds like a giant waste to me.
I'm all dried up in regards to my drug stash. I think I'll take a breather for a while. Too much of anything is bad for you and all that. Balance is key.
Emily and Heather both told me that they're on birth control. Wow, hint hint eh? Emily also told me, separately mind you; that she doesn't care if Heather and I sleep together. I still have a hard time believing that… but I suppose Emily and Heather have sex with each other when I'm not around and I don't mind that so then why shouldn't I be able… wait a sec! I'm not even in a relationship with either of them, it doesn't matter. There are no obligations between us. I'm being way too considerate and careful and paranoid. That's it, next time I see Heather I'm going to grab a beer, tear her clothes off and fuck her right in the pussy.
Mom and Dad heard about that kid getting busted so they decided to check up on me pretty extensively to make sure I'm not slinging dope. I appreciate the concern but dealing just isn't my thing. I'm sort of a hippie in that I want psychedelics to be cheaply available to responsible adults but I don't really want there to be a drug industry. I feel like it might take away from the magic of exploring your own mind. Do you know what I mean? Wow I sound like a huge tree hugger right now.
It's obvious my parents are worried about me so I'm going to spend some more time with them. I want to put them at ease that I'm not in any drug related trouble. If I was they'd be some of the first people I'd tell. I need to make sure they know that.
I'm going in for a checkup at the doctor's soon and I'm interested to see if any of the drugs I've done have had any negative health effects on me.
I smoked a joint with my Dad out in the garage, just to show him what all the fuss is about. He liked it and expressed that he doesn't understand why it's so illegal because he didn't feel that different. We're in the same boat.
On a somewhat related note; weed is legal in Amsterdam and it gets a lot of tourism based on that. That's nuts, people are willing to fly from all parts of the world just to smoke some weed. Fucking legalize it already.
Pretty sure my rents are chilled out now, so it's safe to resume going out at night and staying up late. It's upsetting how easy it is to become disconnected from your parents and how easy it is to forget how much they give a shit about you. I sometimes catch myself doing this thing where I start trying to convince myself that they're trying to control me and that they still see me as a baby. It makes me feel like they don't respect me, but I know they do. All they want is for me to be alright and to not fuck my life up.
Been relaxing a lot lately. Drawing lots. Reading. I've worn nothing but my bathrobe the past week. Why can't we all sit around and make art together in our bathrobes all the time?
Doc gave me a clean bill of health and said the same thing about drugs as he did the last time. I think I might switch doctors to one that is better versed in the long term effects of drugs. If something does ever go wrong for me this guy isn't going to be any help.
Mom and Dad are on vacation for the next three or so weeks. They came to me this morning and demanded I quit my job and road trip around with them. I didn't take much convincing. We're going to head out late tonight to beat traffic. The craziest thing is; they asked me to share my stash with them over the course of the trip…
Editor's note: There are no dates for the following material. It was recorded on scraps of paper, $100 bills, taped together condom wrappers, rolling papers, women's lingerie, a surfboard, etc.
We spent today tripping out as a family unit and exploring this new city. Now it's the middle of the night and I'm sitting in the middle of a hydro field while my parents are probably having sex over in some nearby bushes. I dare not seek them out for what I might find would be traumatizing beyond all belief.
Watching my Mom and Dad experience acid for the first time today was a trip within a trip. The way they looked at each other, talked to each other… It was as if they were rediscovering why they're a couple in the first place. It was quite beautiful and made me see them in a new light.
A new city. I think we met some new people today. New travellers. New travelling companions. Staying safe though. Too tired and fucked up to write.
Where and when did I buy this awesome suit I'm wearing? I smell great, and I feel great. I think I'm going to a party. Holy crap, Mom and Dad party hard. Imagine if this was my life all the time.
What even is.
We slept in an amazing mansion last night and today is a beautiful and clear day. We're all sitting in a church that had its doors left wide open. We're not a religious family, but we felt like visiting this church anyway because the stained glass looked really nice. I'm not sure about what day it is, but it doesn't even matter. I don't want to think about the time constraints on this trip.
We had some bad headaches earlier from all the droogs so the rest of today and tomorrow will be clear headed days to get recharged. We lost our new friends along the way somewhere and that kind of sucks, but we were really drunk and fucked up so it was bound to happen. The daughters and I slept together so much my nuts got sore. They were fuckin' sexy as hell and great in bed. I don't think there was a hole or crevice among them that I didn't stick my wang in. I feel bad because I don't remember their names or how many of them there were. To be fair, they probably won't remember me too clearly either.
We've spent the past few days inside the mansion relaxing. They have the best pool here, and I've had sex with most of the maids at this point. At least I think they're maids. I should really talk to the guy who owns the place a bit, I'm starting to feel like I'm abusing his generosity. I'll go talk to him right after I'm done writing. Who the hell is this guy? Why is he so rich and generous? When we were partying a few nights ago he and my Dad seemed really close. I'll ask Dad who he is. I've been so euphoric lately I've forgotten my manners.
Dad's friend is called Cooper and he's some important media man. I haven't had the chance to talk to him yet since he hasn't been around. I really need to make a point of thanking him for letting us stay here.
He and my Dad went to uni together and hang out every time my Dad gets vacation time. This time he brought me and my LSD along with him. Apparently Cooper's new fav thing is acid and wants to buy some from me. Fuck that though, I'll just give him some for free since he's been so awesome to us.
It's like the weather here is always perfect. We're all finding it difficult to move on to a new location and Cooper isn't making it any easier with the lavish meals and entertainment. He's an excellent host. I guess it's easier to host if you're a millionaire. Rich or not, I don't want to overstay my welcome and I really do feel the need to do something for him in return. Maybe I'll give him a sizeable chunk of my stash, it's the only thing I have that he couldn't easily get for himself. I really do need to talk to the guy first so I can make sure he won't hurt himself with it.
Dawn, my maid friend who hangs out with me almost every chance she gets; took me around town. We went to the beach and to all the weird downtown shops, one of which had nothing but rubber ducks. She's so much fun to be around, but I wonder if I only think that because of all the drugs and the happy situation I'm in. I'd love to elaborate on this but I forgot my laptop at home and am writing this on a surfboard after all. I should mount it on my wall when I get home.
I finally had my talk with Cooper and he's an awesome guy as expected. He wants me to always come on vacation with Dad from now on, especially if I bring him more hits. He was grasping desperately to find the words to express his gratitude for sharing with him and also for telling him how to be careful with drugs. He's one of those people that are so incredible to be around and are so nice, sincere and unforgettable that they have to be millionaires.
He's giving me so many suits that he doesn't wear anymore that must be worth thousands of dollars. He says if I ever need a job or anything at all to call him up. It's fucking ridiculous! How am I so lucky? Am I dreaming this whole trip?
I'm going to remember this trip forever. Literally everything is perfect here. Perfect temperature, perfect health, perfect people, perfectly comfortable, perfect, perfect, perfect.
The weather has yet to even hint at doing anything except being perfectly sunny, and everyone is perfectly friendly and interesting. I can hardly get over it all. I'm actually starting to worry that I'll grow to be too content here and never see any other place on earth. It wouldn't be the worst fate, by far, but it isn't what I want out of life. Soon I will have to move on from this heaven before it absorbs me. Tomorrow or the next day we'll be heading out for another location and I'm worried it won't be as fun. This place is a tough act to follow.
It would seem I'm not alone in my luck in life and psychedelics. Dawn was telling me last night that she came from a caring open home not unlike mine and found psychedelics in a similar way. She dropped out and did the equivalency just like me, and is doing what I was doing a while ago; exploring place by place and seeing what happens. She says she's been here for a while because of how awesome Coop is, and man, do I ever understand that. If I were even the slightest bit homo I'd be all over that guy. Did I mention I'm pretty sure he's gay? I don't think I did, but I guess it doesn't matter.
When we go to our next destination Dawn says she's going to take her vacation time and come with us, which sounds like a lovely idea to me. I am so into this chick.
We've got something of a Limousine convoy going, it must look like the president is going somewhere to the people we pass by. Cooper, me, Mom, Dad, and most of Cooper's staff are coming with us to the next destination, which has been changed from whatever the fuck it was to Coop's other mansion.
It's twice as big as his mansion, and has two swimming pools; one indoor and one outdoor. It's up on the very top of a cliff by the beach, jutting up like a giant middle finger to everyone who isn't as rich.
We had only 3.5 each for my first time with shrooms. It was more than enough for me. I didn't think it was going to be, but I've never had them before. I don't know how my parents found some but they were saving it as a surprise for me until yesterday.
Before psychedelics, a person has no idea what they're like; they cannot be explained very well. They have to be experienced for yourself. Shrooms were unlike what I expected in every way. I felt as if everything was "real" for the first time, as if I were experiencing everything as it really is and it was confusing. It was like LSD, but also very different. It was like I was detached from my body almost. I felt as if I were a brain on a stick in the middle of a field and that some unknown force was threatening to push my stick over? Yeah, that is not a good explanation of what shrooms are like, but it's the best I can come up with.
We decided to walk around the entire time we were tripping, venturing to different places in and around the beach area. We started out by going to the bank for something. While we were there, the walls pulsated and swirled as the fake plant gently swayed in approval. We then decided to get water, it was Dawn's idea, Mom thought it was a good idea too, as water saved her from a bad trip a few days ago.
We walked to a park where we sat on swings and looked at the spotlights from the nearest hotel, which was towering off in the distance. The spotlights had white versions and red versions, or so my mind was telling me. It probably did. After a while we walked down the street more, then I was suddenly lost, not able to make sense of my surroundings. I had that feeling you get when you stand up too fast and you get those white fuzzies in your vision. Luckily Dad still knew and guided us to a hill that has a lot of bright lights and signs and attractions. When we were almost there Dawn spoke up and told us that she couldn't go there or she would go into a bad trip, calling it an "information overload". Instead, we walked down some interesting seeming streets, then took Dawn home because we imagined it was midnight.
Time is way too hard to get on shrooms, I had barely any concept of it. Even if I had a watch I would never be able to understand it, I couldn't even understand my jacket at the time. My jacket was the most confusing thing ever.
Before we walked Dawn home we sat on a bench in a different park near some drunks that were playing on the swings. It was good because they took the heat off of us, the police would get them before us. We were feeling pretty paranoid about it but didn't need to. It's not like they could have done anything anyway, all we had on us was water.
I became enraged at the thought of police and got loud about it, so my parents say, but that's not the way I remember it. I remember Mom and Dad telling me that the police were corrupt and that they would come by and hassle us for no reason. I was yelling that I would tell them to fuck off and I wouldn't stand for it etc. They were making it seem like the police were out to get us, without a cause. They were saying untrue things about the police. They deny it, and they're probably right, it is two against one, but that's what I remember. Or maybe they were only fucking around.
We had to cross a highway at one point. A woman was parked in the middle of the road and was immobile, she decided not to drive anymore I guess, so Mom exchanged facial expressions with her.
When we got back to the second mansion, Mom and Dad went into their room and then I was alone. I was still pretty fucked, I remember almost thinking that I was schizo, but then realizing that I was just thinking to myself in third person. The roads were deserted, everything was quiet and dark. I ended up walking through a part of town that has a lot of rundown buildings. There was a large bridge at one point that I crossed. It was very high up, and the lights on it weren't working, which made the situation scary. I looked to my left and saw the letter A swoop at me, but it was questionable, almost invisible. An airplane took a swoop at me too, again, very questionable. I observed the moon placed on a Psychonautical night sky and dwelled on it. I walked a few more steps still looking at the moon until a dark tower appeared in front of the moon for a brief moment, then went away. The visual memory of some building I saw earlier. Every few steps it would flash there then be gone just as fast as it came and just as questionable as everything else. I got antsy and started to run home, through the dark shortcuts of Scumville. The more I ran the more afraid I became, so I slowed down to a walk and felt a bit better. Continuing on that logic I took a few backwards steps figuring that would make me feel happy and I started laughing hysterically at what I was doing. I guess it worked after all.
I finally made it back to Coop's unbelievable mansion. I felt stomach pain, so I made a sandwich because I eventually figured out the pain was that hunger thing. I wish I took a picture of it, it was the poorest sandwich ever. The meat was on the bottom, and the mayo was slopped everywhere, what a mess. After I ate it I felt disgusted and decided to never eat meat again. A decision I'll most likely go back on. I checked up on my parents and Dawn, to make sure they were alright, then tried to sleep after playing a video game which was way too hard to play in my condition. I couldn't make it to sleep, every time I tried I would get confusingly afraid. It looked like my door was stretching when I would look at it directly. To distract myself I turned the TV on to the kids station in the hopes it would take my mind off of frightening shit. I ended up quivering in fear at the sheer confusion that is children's programming until sleep finally took me.
Yesterday's shroom adventure was amazing, despite all the scary stuff. I don't regret doing them. I'm actually kind of glad I got to experience the edge of what a bad trip is like so I'll be slightly more prepared for it next time. I'm still feeling a little messed up so I'm going to abstain from everything but water for today and relax on the beach with a bikini-clad Dawn. Maybe her other maid buddies will come too and I can ogle the fuck out of all of them. It would serve them right, because they're always staring at me.
I've said it before but I'm feeling quite good about everything. Things are quite clear and I feel like I've got my feelings under complete control. This vacation has been unreal. I feel more mature from it, from all the new experiences being pelted at me.
Let go of shame, let go of social pressure, embrace the truth, be friendly to everyone, stay open minded, research things, self-educate, don't attend any institution that you don't want to, make decisions, follow through, accept help from others, give help when you have the opportunity, don't let the past haunt you, don't fret over the future, ask yourself what you'd do with your life if money wasn't a thing, then find a way to do it, don't give up, stand up for yourself and others, fuck freely, fuck often, don't be ashamed but don't let anyone come to harm from it, and love. Just love. Love anything.
All we did was create art of all kinds and share it with each other. It was so sappy, but so awesome. It's been a very sappy couple of days. Did you see what I wrote yesterday? Yikes. I think I might be morphing into some sort of hippie.
Cooper wanted to use my painting for a work project and offered to pay me a thousand dollars for it, which was so flattering but I gave it to him for free. I owe this man far more than some drugs and a painting. It's no surprise he's Dad's best bud. You know, it's not even how rich he is or all the gifts he's giving us that makes me feel so good about the guy. It's how fun and excited he is about everything and everyone. He has unlimited energy, and time for everyone. It was his idea to sit around and make art all day. It's probably the most enjoyable thing I've done this whole vacation. I wish I could do this guy even an ounce of justice in writing.
Another day, another blowjob. I think I've fooled around with every girl here that isn't my own mother. It's amazing how nobody gets on anyone's case about having sex with anyone else. We're all on the same page here. Why can't it be like this everywhere?
I've been doling out take home hits to anyone who asks and knows what they're getting into. I think LSD should probably be free, since it's already pretty cheap to begin with and it doesn't seem like people really sell it for money too often anymore. I'm going to learn how to make it for myself if it's easy enough. It'll be a project for when I go back home. Emily and Heather will most likely be angry with me for disappearing again, but this time it wasn't really my fault. I wasn't expecting this surprise vacation with Mom & Dad. I should have asked if they could come too, it would have been a lot of fun.
It feels like we're a different breed of animal, living up here on the cliffs completely out of everyone's way. It's such a mindfuck to know that things are going to revert to the norm eventually. It's alright; I still crave adventure and living like this all the time isn't the way to get it.
I wonder if I'm actually dead and in heaven right now and nobody remembered to tell me.
After vacation I think I'm going to take up reading the news. Papers today are so rarely impartial and I don't think that's good journalism. At least it isn't the way I prefer it, but that's the magic of the internet age, you can always find what you're looking for. You can also always find a porn version what you were looking for. It's a great time to be alive.
We're heading home tomorrow. I've been good at avoiding calendars, but it's time to return to non-vacation world and get back to a working schedule.
I'm so lucky to have this amazing family, and this ability to make friends so easily. I was considering listing my blessings out one by one here but it would take hours. I'll leave it at saying that I'm the luckiest guy alive and have no regrets.
I've finished with saying my goodbyes to Coop, Dawn and the maid-squad. It was nice to say goodbye to people without them bawling on me for once. I think we all feel so satisfied with our time together that we know we'll see each other again. I exchanged contacts with everybody so everyone is only an email or a phone call away. All these happy people, where do they come from? I wish I had the chance to get everyone's backstory. How did we all get here to enjoy drugs together? Psychedelics seem to have the effect of bringing people together and to help them be happier maybe? Maybe it's magic or maybe it's all just a matter of being responsible and informed like I've suspected all along.
From this adventure I know what really makes me happy for really and for true; EXPLORATION and CREATION of the mind and of the world and of the universe, of ART and of LOVE, of all things. I want to take this life, this existence in…
I took a look at everything I've written in the journal the past bit and I can hardly believe all the amazing shit that has happened… but it did. It's all the total truth. Yep. And now since I'm starting to run out of room on this surfboard I think my first purchase when I get back home will be a new laptop, in which I'll start a new journal. Up to this point I've got my first one collected in the book I started in and my old laptop, but now I'm going to take all the garbage and money I wrote on while I was fucked up and cram it in there somehow. Maybe I'll print out the text file parts, cram them and the random papers inside the book and duct tape it to the surfboard and mount it on the wall above my bed. Ha! Once I finish the second one I'll get it nicely printed out at a print shop with a cover and everything, and then tape that one up with the first.
JOURNAL NUMBER TWO
Being back home feels amazing. I'm going to take today to get settled in and then start buckling down on some art and getting a part time job again. I may not need it because Cooper made me promise to show him everything I made and told me he'd probably buy it all. He might have been fucked up on drugs but I think he really meant it. The next order of business will be showing Emily and Heather what LSD is all about, after they're done being angry with me for running off all of a sudden.
Psychedelics are so worth it if you're ready for them, I'll never be able to say they aren't. For the rest of my life I will always look back on the decision to try them as one of the best of my life. For me to keep them from another person feels like a sin, so once I'm sure they seem healthy enough for it we'll all trip together.
I walked around town today to get that feeling where everything feels familiar and new at the same time. I love unique feelings like that. I thought I might be bummed out about having to come home from vacation but I don't. I have so much I'm excited to get to work on and there's a lot of potential fun in my near future. I'm so glad I haven't made any regrettable life decisions so far.
I wonder if I would find sober life as interesting or beautiful if I had never done psychedelics. I know that some people end up hating sobriety when compared with being high, but I feel like that's the kind of person that needs to stay away from drugs all together until they're in a better place. They shouldn't be an escape, they should be a vacation… Something that you explore. An adventure.
It's high time I get more into learning something new every day. I found some encyclopaedias on someone's front lawn that I'm going to make a point of reading two entries a day from. It's weird how people throw away books.
I'm off to go see Emily and Heather to let them vent at me about leaving again. If there aren't any more entries after this then it means they killed me and you need to call the police.
Talking to the girls went better than expected. They were gladder to see me than they were angry. At least they were at first, and then they remembered how mad they were and laid into it. I really am sorry that I had to take off like that. I would have preferred if they came along with us. I just wasn't afforded the time to plan anything.
When I got home I think I had an acid flashback. It wasn't so bad. I saw some shadows move and take the shape of a cat and I felt similar to when I'm high on LSD. I felt a strong urge to eat hotdogs and then it was over.
I went for an extremely long bike ride today and got back home a few minutes ago. I rode to the top of a cliff to look at the sky and the small forested area below. I stayed there until sunset smoking grass and scheming for the future until the sun went down. A bunch of amazing things happened to me recently but I feel like something even bigger is just around the bend. I need to be ready for it.
A nice dinner was prepared for me by Emily and Heather tonight. I wonder what prompted that because I thought they were still a little pissed at me. It was really cute, they half-jokingly wore frilly skirts and floral aprons, complete with pearl necklaces. I like this 50s kick girls are into lately, it's really fucking cute. For dessert we had green tea ice cream, which tasted a lot better than I thought.
After dinner we fell asleep to "Donnie Darko" all cuddly on the couch.
The feeling of two girls blowing you at the same time is a feeling unparalleled by anything else in the world.
This afternoon before I was about to go home from Heather's she started making out with and undressing Emily in front of me. I watched for a while until shit got heavy. Before I knew it we were going nuts on each other, it was the most passionate sex I've ever had. The usual procedure is; I get off, it feels good and that's it. It's sappy but this time I actually felt something in my heart... Literally, that's where it was coming from. It was this warm feeling of desire running all the way up to my brain urging me to get as close and as deep into these girls as I possibly could.
At one point I wrapped my arms around Emily, and she wrapped her legs around me in response, I pulled her in tightly and started pushing as deep and hard as I could until she was basically screaming. All this time Heather is funning with herself snuggled up against us randomly making out with whoever currently didn't need to come up for air. I'm pretty sure we all came around the same time too, it was like a damn porno.
Excuse me journal but I think I need to go masturbate.
I was invited to a party tonight where I'm pretty sure the attendees will mostly be the local riff raff that have something to do with that junkie that gave me trouble a long time ago. Not the kind of shindig I want to get involved with.
It's funny how my friends are all so varied. I've got music friends, stoner friends, video game friends, artist friends, nerd friends, jock friends etc. Growing up I always sort of thought the way friends worked was by what class of kid you fell into, but it seems that's just the way young friendship is presented to you in movies and the like. Since we all sort of expect it to be that way we end up making it true sometimes. In my situation and at my school, kids don't group based on class, at least not completely. It's a weird assumption to think you need to be invited "in" to a crowd when the reality is you usually will make one friend at a time, which will lead to another of their friends and so on.
Can you even imagine not being able to get help from anyone? Imagine if I was ashamed of my drug experiences and my parents were the ultra right wing type. Let's say I ran into a spot of trouble with a drug pusher trying to push drugs on me I didn't want and the problem escalated beyond my control. I would have two options; one would be to basically do nothing out of fear of being in trouble with my parents and not ask anyone for help. This would obviously only result in things getting worse for me. My second option would be to get help from my parents by telling them the truth or by bending it enough to make me seem more innocent. Why in the world would I ever go with the first option? Why do some kids do this? Is it that hard to weigh your options and see the obvious? I guess I'm just so incredibly lucky that my parents never put any fear into me and always hammered it home that I can always rely on them, but aren't most parents like that? Even the strict ones? I must be blinded by luck or something.
Spending time alone is a good move to take for the next while. I want to get this painting done and show Coop. I like to be alone for extended periods of time, as long as I know I can come out of it. Loneliness is a very effective tool for productivity and problem solving. One day I'd like to spend a few months living alone in a cabin in the woods.
First volume of my encyclopedia set is now complete.
It looks like Grandpa is having heart problems so we're all driving out to him right now. I guess it's pretty serious… I really hope he's alright.
We're all staying at the Grandparents place visiting Grandpa at the hospital frequently. Grandma is a wreck, as expected. I'm glad Mom and Dad are here for her. I'm not so good at consoling, although I'd like to be. Grandpa has gotten worse since he had the stroke and seems pretty critical. When the doctor gave us the news I almost couldn't bear to watch everyone's reaction of pure emotional pain.
Funerals man, they're a drag and a half. The place was packed, and there wasn't a dry eye in the place. I knew he was a popular guy but I didn't realize the extent of it. I don't have many words lately. I'm not even sure how I feel.
Everyone has entered a state of calm that I don't like. It's an unhappy calm. Grandma says she's going to stay with us for a while. There's no way she can go back to their big house without Grandpa being in it, not right now. I might go with her when she goes back, to help her adjust. I'll at least put a return trip to her place at the top of my list.
I spent a lot of time with Grandpa as a kid. He would take me fishing and to the donut diner that he frequented where I would get fed donuts until I couldn't move. On mornings when we'd all stay over at their place he would make endless pancakes for me. I think my record was 20. I'm really gonna miss the old guy. This sucks, I hate having feelings.
Grandma seems to be feeling slightly better now that the funeral is done. Myself; I've been contemplating death a lot. Sometimes it bothers me and sometimes not. I'd like to decide where I stand on the matter. I don't think I'll ever be religious but maybe there's something spiritual in the world, I dunno. I'm jealous of religious people sometimes. They get to know that when they die everything is gonna be alright. I wish I could buy into something like that. I imagine the sense of peace would be wonderful.
I had a nice dream tonight about Grandpa. We were sitting on his boat on a teal sea, except the sea was all pixelated like an older video game. The dream camera kept shifting to underwater and high sky views of all the different birds and fish there are. It would go high and low but there was always a sense of calm. I pulled in my fishing rod to find that there isn't any hook or line on it but I didn't care, and neither did Grandpa. The dream scene changed and suddenly I was a sleepy dinosaur, resting under some bushes after a large meal. It was a relaxing feeling that transferred over into real life and causing me to sleep in late.
I feel invigorated now that everything is all settled with Grandpa. That dream really helped. Today I'm going to hang around Grandma and read more encyclopedia stuff.
Everyone seems to think things are constantly getting worse and I just don't see it. Every time I see a statistic from an unbiased source it tells a good story, not a bad one. I wonder if people generally get a good feeling from being told everything is shitty? Maybe they feel good on some level because if everything is shitty then you're unhappy for a reason and then it isn't your fault?
Here's how to take a new drug:
Step 1: Find out what it is. You need to know what's going into your body and if you're okay with that.
Step 2:Find out what negative effects can occur. Long term and short term. If you don't think you can handle all the negative effects then stay away from it. Take it all literally, if something unbiased says a drug has a high potential for addiction then ask yourself "Can I handle being addicted to this drug and fighting it the rest of my life?" Read about other people's experiences with them and see how the vets feel about it.
Step 3: See what the law says about it. How illegal is it and how much trouble could you possibly and realistically get into if you get busted.
Step 4: Plan when to do it, where to do it and who to do it with. Make sure you have nothing stressful to do, even minor things like work coming up in the near future. Bad trips are triggered by set and setting. Do it with people you could at least imagine being friends with. Having one nice and friendly sober friend with you is usually a good idea too; they can be your anchor to reality and help you if something should go wrong.
Step 5: Prepare. Bad trips can be usually be easily avoided; write a little rescue note for yourself and keep it in your pocket. Reassure your high self that everything will be fine and then tell yourself why. "Stop freaking out, ya goof. You're on LSD, and LSD is factually safe. You think you're not safe because you're freaking out on drugs. Change your set and setting, drink some water and you'll be fine. With love; your past self". Keep a bottle of water with you so that you can always cleanse and refresh yourself. If you're with friends tell them you're freaking out and tell them what you need.
I think someone slipped a joint into my pocket at the bus stop today. I wonder if they dropped it, or just didn't want to get caught with it. I wish I could smoke it, but I'm not just gonna light up on some strange weed I found, that would be top grade idiocy.
Grandma is having a rough go of it today so I'll be staying in with her until she goes to bed. She's usually asleep by 8:30 so maybe I'll go out tonight and see if anyone wants to get blitzed… Or maybe I should see if Grandma wants to get drunk with me. It might take some of the pain away, if only for a brief while. It's not the healthiest thing to do, but it is the most normal, next to being depressed. They were together for something like 30 or 40 years… I can't even imagine and don't want to imagine what she's going through.
I've been talking to a girl on the internet for the past bit and I think it's about time we start hanging out in person. She's not into drugs but isn't against them and seems to like me just fine. I'm going to go meet her at the school on top of the hill in a few hours. This girl is pretty hot, and has huge tits. I thought her display picture wasn't really her at first, but she eventually proved it. Unfortunately I don't think there's any romantic connection between us but I should bring some rubbers anyway. She seems like a fun time and I could always use another friend.
Amber is a fun time like I thought she would be. It was relaxing. We watched some crazy foreign films a while ago and yesterday we just sat on the steps of the school and talked. God damn her tits are enormous, and her ass is… FUCK.
More time with Amber today. So there's basically no way that she just wants to be just friends if she's spending every day with me like this, right? This is sort of the same situation as always, I don't want to be in a relationship and at the same time I don't want girls to think there's the possibility of one. The problem is; how do I make that clear without hurting anyone's feelings and maintaining the friendship? I know it's wrong, but I want to fuck her before making my intentions clear, she's so hot… DAMN. No, no, I need to be good. I need to be fair. I needa wank.
Okay, after tonight I need to cool it down with Amber. I have a sad Granny I need to look after. She'll understand, I hope.
I went out with Amber tonight and got us some milkshakes. Even the way she sips through a straw is sexy, it's going to be so hard to keep away from her.
Amber told me on the phone today that she's intending on teaching English overseas after she graduates. That sounds like a good idea and something I might like to do someday. I'll have to look into what the program requires. If I really wanted I could get to work on that right now since I'm technically a high school graduate, but they no doubt have an age restriction. Woe is me, I have to relax until I'm the age of majority.
Grandpa's will is now settled and done with. He left my family a ton of money and his boat. That was really nice of him, and the boat means a lot to me and Dad. He even left us his spot at the docks. Dad and I will have to take it out sometime to drink and fish in his honor.
I'm never babysitting for our neighbor again. She said she would be back by 11 but didn't stumble in until 2am without even calling me. I feel like if you're going to be a parent you shouldn't get fall down wasted unless you have someone to watch your kid the whole time you're blitzed. The woman is in her thirties and she was so drunk she was trying to get me to come into her bedroom with her. I put the kid in his crib and let myself out.
While I was watching the kid my friend came by while he was tripping on acid. When he saw the baby he smiled and his eyes welled up and said he had to leave. He's such a pansy but I think I know what he was feeling. It was good he left anyway because you maybe shouldn't spend extended periods of time with a baby while you're soaring. I wouldn't be too worried about hurting the baby because you're still you when you're high but mistakes can be made.
Grandma was pissed at our neighbor and gave her a piece of her mind. Grandma takes babies more seriously than anyone I know. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I wanted to vent it out. Grandma probably needs someone or something to take her frustration out on and I guess this is for a good cause. It might make the neighbor smarten up about her kid.
So now that chick has accused me of stealing her jewelry and rooting through her drawers without considering the other kids she's had over to watch her baby. Turns out the next day some girl was busted by her parents with our neighbors shit and my neighbor didn't apologize to me or anything. She then left a catty "I know you're there" message on our answering machine expecting me to come babysit for her again. Fuck off.
Grandma seems to be feeling a little better lately. I think I'll spend more time with her to make sure she stays on the right track. Maybe I need to find more things for her to get pissed off at? It seems to be the key to her recovery.
Neighbor bitch might still be a good target because now she's spreading rumors that I put acid on candy and give it to little kids. Preposterous. Fucking total bullshit. This is the last thing I need. Did anyone ever even do that to a kid? In the history of the world, did that ever even happen? Even once? It makes no sense and absolutely reeks of anti drug rumor propaganda. How insulting can these people get, and how did she even know I used acid? Does she even know?
Neighbor cunt was chirping at Amber and I as we went into my house. Once Amber was inside I told the neighbor that if she says one more word to me I'll be calling child services to tell them a story of my own. She basically ran away after that. Of course I won't be making any phone calls, I wouldn't get someone's kid taken away from them based on one incident. I'm just sick of her shit and it ends now.
I guess that's the end of the problem because she's got a for rent sign out front of the house. No one ever stays in that place because the rent is too high. I don't even know how she was affording it in the first place.
I remember seeing nerdy kids get bullied at school and watch them sit there and do absolutely nothing about it. What's up with that? That's clearly not the way to solve an asshole problem. Everyone has to deal with assholes in their life and if you don't ever stick up for yourself you'll always have to deal with them. You need to show them you can't be bullied without them suffering some consequences. Make it not worth their while to fuck with you. Maybe nerdy kids have severe non-violent parents or they're instilled with so much fear from somewhere they can't even defend themselves. It would drive me crazy to see them take shit from other kids. I wish I did something about it, it makes me feel like a bad person for just sitting there watching it all play out. So glad I don't go to school anymore.
I went to an awesome party with Amber. I'm still pretty drunk. I was going to put the moves on her but I want to be sober when that happens. I walked her home and held her hand and… Oh fuck, I just realized she was expecting something to happen. I'm stupid. Well, I blew it, she was probably waiting for me to kiss her when I said goodbye. Ahhhh, I'm stupid. It would have been perfect, and she looked so hot in that dress. Gah, fucking. Fuck. Shit.
I haven' t seen Emily and Heather in a while. I wonder if everything is okay on that front. I'll go visit them on the farm today or tomorrow.
Grandma is packing up to head back to her house so I guess I'll help her get on her way before I fuck off to spend time with my friends.
Emily, Heather and Amber all helped us move Grandma back home today since Grandma really likes all of them. At first Emily and Heather seemed like they weren't going to get along with Amber. I thought I might have a girl fight on my hands but by the end of the day they were acting like they've been best buds since day one. We're all at my grandma's place right now for a few days. She insisted my friends and I stay for a while since the girls are on summer vacation. Tomorrow I want to see if I can get the boat out with Dad. Maybe we'll all go out together or go swimming or something.
This house is so big, Grandma is going to be lonely living here on her own. I wonder what she plans to do? I should talk to her, maybe she should sell it and come live closer to us.
In the afternoon I went swimming with the girls. I really like all three of them and that's just another reason I can't get involved. It would be a huge mess. It might turn into a huge mess anyway. Is there any way we could all stay friends with only incidental banging here and there?
I did my best to not favor any friend for another. Amber might be feeling uncomfortable being the new girl and Emily and Heather might feel like I'm abandoning them for Amber. They probably suspect that I am. I was so busy with Grandma for a while yet, I was still hanging out with her. I hate trying to manage other people's emotions, especially when I have to guess what all of them might be. Social games, man, fuck em'. Despite the perceived girl-war it was a fun and relaxing day at the beach.
At sunset Dad, Grandma and I took the boat out to toast Grandpa. I've never seen the water so still.
Lots of parties coming up. I called Michelle and Mr. Barry and they have some good summer stuff planned. He was a friend of my Grandpa and he wants to distract Grandma from her grief. I feel like he'll take care of her when my family heads back home. What a load off.
I stayed in with the girls to watch "Reefer Madness". That movie is a perfect representation of the anti-drug mindset. A movie fueled by a hysterical fear of something you don't have the first clue about.
At tonight's party some idiot who has a problem with Michelle showed up to cause shit. He ended up punching one of her friends in the face. I don't think there was any reason behind what he did. I hear the guy he punched is a really nice dude who was minding his own business. A bunch of jocks ganged up on the aggressor quicker than I even knew what was happening. He got his ass kicked pretty bad.
Michelle just told me on the phone that that guy got roughed up by the cops too. Cops are corrupt in a good way sometimes.
Daylight today was mostly used to recover from massive hangovers. It got to the point of roughness where I told myself that common lie; "I'm never drinking again". The only drug I ever overdo it with is alcohol. If it was illegal I wonder if I ever would have ever drank at all?
I think it's almost time the girls go back to school so we'll probably be heading back soonish. I might stay with Grandma a bit longer so she doesn't have to adjust to being here on her own all at once.
It's only Grandma and I hangin' out for a while now. Everyone is on their way back home to start school and get back to work. Now it's time for me to get to work on perking Grandma back up to her usual self.
I'm beat. I've been moving and reorganizing all of grandpa's stuff into the attic and basement. I'm cleaning everything up, and we're changing things around so the place can feel like it's solely Grandma's and that someone didn't recently die on her. I found a super cute picture of my grandparents when they were first dating so I got it blown up and framed for Grandma. It's sitting over the fireplace now. She was teary eyed when I gave it to her and I think she really likes it.
Recently I've made a breakthrough on the guitar. I can read music decently now and since I can actually string things together smoothly it's making me practice more. Every night I go out on the balcony to play for a while and smoke weed. Weed and music go together like beans and cornbread.
Grandma and I dropped some flowers off at Grandpa's grave today and tended it all nicey nice. I'm taking it as a good sign that Grandma didn't even cry this time, she only stood there sort of half smiling. If she stays in this good of a mood I'll stick around for a few more days and then head home.
I'm back home reluctantly helping the neighbor lady again after profuse apologies. She wants help moving her stuff around and then she wants me to look after her kid while she goes to court. Probably child custody stuff.
Even if she's going to play nice from now on this is the last time I plan on helping her. She's always asking for things from my parents and everyone around her and as soon as she doesn't get what she wants she engages ultra bitch mode. I have no respect left for her and I'm only helping for the sake of her kid.
Let me tell you about last night.
When I got to her place she had me help her move her shit around a bit while she repeatedly apologized about being a bitch a while ago. She told me that her kid was asleep in his room so all I needed to do was listen for him if he started bawling. When we were done she left me there after giving me some candies and other gifts apologizing the whole while.
I sat down to watch some TV and started to feel a bit restless. All of a sudden the cops are at the door asking me questions about what I'm doing here. I told them but they didn't believe me until I showed them the texts she sent me and told them to ask my parents. They told me someone reported that this house was being robbed and began looking around. Soon, the fat cop comes out of the bedroom asking where all the jewelry is, why the furniture is all over and why everything looks like it's been rummaged through. Of course I didn't know anything about the jewelry but I told him what I did know and then suggested he call the woman who lives here and gave her number.
He didn't bother, he asked me to come outside. When I was out the door the neighbor was standing there with a shit eating grin on her face, holding her kid who was never in his bedroom to begin with. When the cops turned their attention to her she turned on the waterworks saying that I look really high on drugs and screaming about where all her jewelry is.
At this point it's way past obvious that she's setting me up in some sort of insane scheme and I say as much to the police, who ignore me. I tell them that her stuff is probably in her car or purse. As I turned my head to look at the car I noticed that the bush in the yard across the street seemed so vibrant and that I'm feeling incredibly anxious, too anxious for the situation, really. I thought I might be having a flashback so I checked the pavement to see if it was squirmy (textures squirming around is a sure sign you're high and it happens early on in a trip).It was. Realizing that I was high on LSD I immediately felt at ease. Knowing what was going on gave me clarity, I know how to be on drugs while seeming like I'm sober. I only had a little while to convince the police of her treachery because I was still in the "coming up" phase of the trip. I probably had another 20 minutes before I would be overwhelmed. I also know that cops probably have expectations about what kids on LSD are like and was careful not to fulfill any of them.
I glanced over at the bitch and gave her a glare summoned from the most visceral parts of my ancestry before I calmly listed off all the bullshit about this situation to the police. What about my texts? What about what my parents and what the other neighbors have to say? Her jewelry has to be close by, she has nowhere to stash it. If I'm a burglar why would I move the couch? Why is she being so insistent that I'm high? Do I look high to you? Why did she ask where all her jewelry is before actually seeing that any of it was missing?
That was the question that made the cops ask to search her vehicle. Once she made the slightest expression of hesitancy the cop was already opening her back door, lifting out a big bag, that had a bunch of jewelry in it. They then abruptly sent me home where I enjoyed an excellent time on LSD.
My neighbor's biggest mistake was not giving me enough time to reach the peak of the trip, and assuming that it would make me go insane like some rumor no doubt told her it would. My parents want to press as many charges as possible and are in the process of setting up some lawyer stuff as I write this. I'm not sure if that's what I want but I'm a minor so basically no one cares what I think. Besides… Mom is foaming at the mouth over this and I don't want to get in her way.
The other day's surprise trip was really quite good. I'll have to find out where she got her acid from. I've never had it in the form of candy before. I knew that you could take it that way but I've only ever had the blotter kind.
I'm so lucky that I was able to prevent myself from a bad trip. At the time I thought they were going to cart me off to the drunk tank for a night. Now that I think about it they probably would have brought me home to my parents instead.
Today will be devoted to finding a part time job. I'm not getting enough exercise painting and writing all the time.
I bought some weight equipment and have resolved to go for more runs than I already do. I'm in good shape as it is but I wonder how healthy I can get with only a tiny bit more effort.
Alright, I landed a job at a mom n' pop video rental place where all I do is sit around watching movies, drawing and writing all day. The amount it takes to walk home is the perfect distance for a decent workout and I even get weekends off.
I got a swanky new haircut today and added a bunch of stuff to my portfolio that I'm going to show Mr. Cooper at the end of the year. He says he's pretty sure he's going to hire me on the spot but he wants to do everything by the books. All I have to do is fill up the portfolio and submit a resume, then I'll be off to that sunny place for training. He says there are multiple positions that would send me all over the world all expenses paid. Traveling the world, creating art and exploring my mind with psychedelics would be my life's dream come true. I can hardly wait.
Mom and Dad have set up some court stuff and officially pressed charges on the neighbor. I'm not sure how much good it will do but I guess you can't let shit like this go.
The weather is starting to get a bit cool so we all had one last BBQ for the year. I got all my friends over and Mom and Dad got all theirs too. Our backyard was packed. It got pretty rowdy later on. I was glad to see the girls all getting along. I learned that they've actually been hanging out pretty regularly since they got back from my Grandma's.
I had kind of a rough trip on shrooms tonight. It was my own fault. I took them with a bunch of cream cheese after not getting enough rest. I think I took too much. I felt sick to my stomach and things kept happening to upset it further. Some slovenly girl passed by me in the street and sneezed stringy snot all over her face, some kids I know sped by me in a car and peered out at me with glistening eyes, making me nervous, and the guys I was with wouldn't stop smoking. How can you even smoke on shrooms? Finally my guts gave in near a bridge and I spewed. Up from the grass I hallucinated little shrooms growing and turning into transparent skeletal claws while tiny shadowy creatures zipped by.
We all went to a hill to look at the clouds and stars after that. My guts felt better but still a little uneasy because of the zipping black things and shadows peeking out from above the clouds. I kept myself grounded by talking to the angel Mathias, who was just a guy I met who happened to be wearing all white.
Back home I was overjoyed to see my desk and bed. On sight all the good feelings and memories came rushing back to me that are associated with them. The rest of the trip was good. I spent most of it playing with and thinking about an egg timer.
It looks like Mom and Dad have got everyone in the neighborhood to side with us for the lawsuit they're filing, each with their own story to tell about this woman. It's becoming a mob. I feel no urge to pick up the nearest pitchfork, but I won't be shedding any tears on her behalf.
It's probably time for a day off from creating. I've been painting, writing, drawing and playing guitar almost nonstop. I'm going to focus on spending time with the girls today and probably tomorrow. As long as they aren't busy with school. Maybe I should take Emily somewhere and then fuck her brains out. It's been a whole week since I've had sex.
Amber and I have been writing each other letters which have recently become kind of intimate. In them I think I've been clear about not wanting to get into a serious relationship and I think she's in the same boat with me on that. I think I might worry too much about this stuff.
Laying on the grass, watching the clouds go by is such a classically relaxing thing. It's what I did for most of the day. I have this place I go when I want to spend a lot of time thinking. It's this hill near a cliffside that is sort of out of the way from a nearby bike trail. You need to pass through some bushes and clamber up some rocks to reach it but it's worth it. It looks like it came right out of a story. Flowers line the edges, the grass is soft and dry and insects miraculously don't seem to bother with it. I sleep there sometimes. The grass there is more like astro turf than actual grass. It always seems to be another color than the green you'd expect. At night it seems blue, and when I'm high it seems purple. The whole area radiates a sense of clarity and relaxation. Every time I come back from there I feel this sense of growth and accomplishment.
I was thinking about how when I see a person I'll sometimes automatically pick out a bad thing about them and then not think about them anymore. They end up becoming that one single bad thing to me and then they're forgotten. I hate that. I hate thinking negatively about strangers. I hate thinking negatively about anything. I spent some time on training myself to pick out things I enjoy about people instead, and I think it will end up making me an even happier person in the long run. Sometimes though, some people are so rank that I won't be able to help myself. In those situations I'll have to remember that it isn't my fault and that sometimes people turn out rank.
At dusk I thought mostly about the illegality of drugs. It doesn't make any sense to me. It doesn't make any sense to anyone who has ever actually done psychedelics. I don't understand why it's any of the governments business what I do with my own body and mind. As long as I'm not hurting or interfering with anyone else I should be left to my own devices. Some of the most beautiful experiences of my life are all thanks to psychedelics and I'm a happier, better person because of my decision to try them.
All I did today was masturbate and eat food. It was fucking awesome.
I watched a lot of anti-drug propaganda from the 90s on the internet. I had tears in my eyes by the end. Why in the world do people have these things written and made by people who have never done drugs?
There was this skit where there are two pre-teens about to try pot for the first time. As soon as the joint touches their lips eight cop cars pull into the driveway and the camera zooms in dramatically on the kid's face. I fucking died.
Looking back on the journal it seems like I do drugs all the time, but that isn't that case. I feel very passionately about them because they're beautiful, but I'd guess at the max I only trip ten times a year? Weed has been pretty frequent for a while but I want to get that down to once or twice a week. It's starting to lose its effect on me because I'm building a tolerance to it. I'd bet by the time I'm 20 I'll hardly be doing any drugs at all. I'm okay with that, I'll probably have a nice shrooms or acid trip here and there every few years and smoke the odd bowl or doob. Weed is kinda costly so that will be good for my wallet, and since I'm a smoker and not a vaper it will be good for my lungs too. When I was doing LSD each week on summer vacation at Coop's; the last time I did it, seemed really weak and sort of just gave me a headache. It may have been a dud hit, but even the hazy dryness I get afterwards seemed more intense. I can't remember if you build a tolerance to LSD or not.
If God is real, I think he might like me for some reason. I don't understand how I made all the exact correct and perfect decisions for my life.
Sometimes I think it might be nice if I could have learned things in high school. I wonder what the problem is, why the curriculum is so bad and why the whole experience had to be so uncomfortable. Attending high school felt like jail or a punishment of some kind rather than a privilege.
I doubt that I'll ever smoke ciggies. I think what really turned me off from them is the scrub kids who smoked while waiting for the bus every day. Even at their age it had already affected their skin and voices… Or maybe they're just naturally rank I dunno.
I was passing by the methadone clinic on a run the other day when some guy asked if I had any smokes. I told him "no, I don't smoke" and he reacted with immediate explosive disappointment and anger. At me, or the situation, I don't know. On my way back I saw him picking up discarded butts off the side of the road and smoking the last bit of the contents in a pipe. This experience on its own is enough to make me not ever want to smoke cigs.
It's funny; I just remembered a while ago (maybe a year or so?) when they had an anti-smoking assembly at school. I think I skipped it, but what I heard about it made me really want to smoke because of how lame the presenters were being about it. Maybe it isn't a good idea in general to tell teenagers what to do.
All of us went to a trail to walk and smoke weed like we usually do. It's about every day lately that we're all pitching in for a dub to share. We should probably cool it, I'm starting to get fussy about my lungs.
When I get baked all I do is eat, whack off and play guitar. Which is great and everything, but it's way too often.
Looks like my wish came true. My neighbor fled town in the middle of the night. Dad found her place empty this morning before work. We don't know exactly when she did it. She must have been sneaky about it because nobody noticed.
I tried to look into Mr. Cooper's companies today to see what I might end up getting involved with. I'm still unsure just how many there are or what I would be doing for him… I know so little about it that I'm starting to wonder why it's a big secret. Dad won't tell me anything about it and says that he doesn't know much more than I do. It sort of makes me wonder if he's dangerous, but Dad says he certainly isn't. Only that he needs to be over the top levels of cautious with everything for some reason. I guess I'll find out once I'm done with my portfolio.
I never really talk about my friends in my journal. I feel like I don't really need to if that makes any sense. I know them so well, our friendships are uncomplicated. I've known most of them since kindergarten and we've all got along swimmingly since day one. There are some guys I don't see any more but it wasn't because of a fight or anything.
However, if this journal is something I'll want to look back on to remember people and times more clearly I guess I should start talking about my friends a little more… Or at least just in an entry here and there.
There's Leon, who I used to work for a town over. I've written about him before. We still email each other regularly. He's done so many different kinds of drugs and has seen so much of the world I'm jealous to even be around him. He isn't a burnout like you might expect, just old and lazy. I got him kicked into gear back when I worked for him. He owns his own store in the downtown area and it suits him, because he knows how to talk to people.
There's also Barry, Jimmy, Rob, Aden, Andy, and James, to name a few. I grew up with these guys and they're the ones I hardly talk about. They're my best friends. I spend most weekends with some or all of them if I'm not hanging out with my girlfriends (who I have talked about quite a lot).
My friends and I have experienced most of our lives together. We smoke weed in a group nearly every single day and when we trip on LSD or shrooms we always get together for it. A lot of the most important psychedelic moments I've experienced they were there with me.
Some of them have had some trouble with coke and booze. I wish I could do something for them, but it's their decision. I'm here if they need me. I hope they know that.
Most are artists of some kind or another. All of which are probably more skilled than I am. Most are more dedicated to art and education than I would ever want to be. I find no surprise in that they struggle with high school because of their intelligence. When they do the work they get near perfect grades. The problem is; they usually skip class. They aren't learning anything and I don't see why they don't take the equivalency like I did.
The gals and I went to the gym pool and afterwards we did some mallratting, got lunch, and laid about like slugs on Heather's farm. The weather is at that stage where it's still a bit warm but the leaves are starting to change. Perfect conditions for an outdoor threesome thrill bang. I have the funnest gal pals in the world.
I don't know if I mentioned it but Amber is going to school on the far end of town so we don't see each other as much as we'd like. That's why we've been writing to each other so frequently. In today's letter she expressed that she'd like to be more than friends. Normally that would make me worry but I'm done feeling that way. I've made myself clear in what I want from a relationship. I'll restate my stance and hope that's alright with her. It will have to be good enough. I hope she's cool with it because I really do like her. If not; I'll understand.
I'm not afraid of relationships, or monogamy. One day I may very well have an exclusive relationship with someone. Right now I feel too young for it. I also know that these girls want to go away to university and I might be getting a job that will take me who knows where. My life isn't stable enough to make that kind of commitment.
A good fucking day. I finished my portfolio for Coop and sent it in a half hour ago. I can't wait to see what happens.
An autoreply came in from Coop's office saying that once it arrives in the mail they'll take it into consideration. That must mean someone has to leaf through it and either pass it along, send it back or toss it in trash. In the meantime I'll devote my time to friends and family and maybe take a break from art.
I've written about it before but I want to say again that I sort of wish I were religious, or a little spiritual or something. Having faith and belief in something like that seems like such a relaxing mindset. I doubt I'll ever believe in a god or a religion but I've started to read the bible anyway. I want to see what it's all about. I want to talk to a priest too.
I don't understand faith, or how someone could believe in religion or a god. I used to suspect that religious people are all pretending and deep down they know it isn't true but are afraid of something so they keep pretending. After psychedelics I can now see that their belief is legitimate and I want to at least understand it.
My only issue with religion is how some believers can be overzealous in the actions they take. Some go too far, like supporting violence or publishing written works that are full of lies.
Mom told me that Grandma fell down the stairs and fucked her leg up pretty bad the other day. After dinner I'm going to pack my bags. Maybe I should just move in with her. There's so much room there it's ridiculous and my room here is a bit small… I'll think about it more later.
Grandma's leg really is fucked. She needs to stay off of it for a week or so, so I'll be around to help her out until she's ready for her walker. I told her as long as she makes me eggies in a basket (fried egg in the center of French toast) we're square.
Grandma says she wants to have a huge week long Christmas-New Year's party thing and wants everyone to stay here at her house for it. She told me to invite my friends now so everyone has enough time to plan. I'll probably only invite the girls since they're the only ones I feel comfortable with being around my family. My other friends are a bit crude for a family setting. They probably wouldn't come anyway.
Michelle and I had afternoon tea with Granny. It was actually fun cus Grandma gave us beers after. I miss Michelle when I'm at home, I wish she lived closer.
I found an Atari 2600 in the attic so all day Michelle and I were playing that, only taking breaks to fuck and eat. I tied her to a support beam and railed her. Did I already mention how I miss Michelle?
I'm really digging these old video games.
My portfolio has been processed by the first tier of people who need to look at it. The email says it has to move on to two more tiers until it reaches Mr. Cooper. I never let Coop know I sent it in to see if it would make it to him on its own merits. If it doesn't I might take some time off to practice more.
Grandma can walk with her walker now and seems to be getting around without too much hassle. I'm glad she didn't break her leg, and sort of surprised that she didn't since the staircase is huge.
Just recovered from a huge Halloween party Michelle brought me to. I barely remember anything from the party but I woke up with a bunch of nude pictures of girls from the party on my phone. I was worried I might not have used a condom but luckily I'm incredibly paranoid about knocking up random chicks. I always count my condoms. I was missing five exactly and there were only 5 different girls in the photos, including Michelle. It's good to know I'm still safe even when blackout drunk.
I'm on the bus back home as I write this. It's raining outside. It's a relaxing kind of rain that is telling me I did a good job getting Granny back on her feet. It's nap time.
My portfolio has made it to the second tier of reviewers as of this morning. After one more I think I need to do a few phone interviews, and a few in person. Then I'll email Coop and tell him I'm already hired. He'll get a kick out of that.
Dawn and I have a good email chain going back and forth. She says she works in one of the offices now and left the maid business behind. The way she explains her job, it doesn't even sound like real work. She says all she does is talk to people all day while drinking coffee, and occasionally taking the more handsome clients into the janitor's closet to seal deals.
We dropped acid together in an old house that my friend is helping rebuild. We went out for some soup while we were peaking and I remember gazing into it for such a long time. I remember saying I wanted it to be my lawn… whatever that means. It was a mostly visual-oriented trip so not much went on beyond getting soup, but there was a cat in the middle of the road on the way to the soup place. I scooped it up and brought it with us. I dropped it off at home before heading back out. I probably should have let Mom and Dad know but it all turned out okay. We sort of have a cat now.
Mom loves the cat to pieces. Dad on the other had has yet to allow himself to get attached. I'm cool with the cat being around. If he/she wants to stick around that's fine by me. Dad might be a little mad at me, but I don't like seeing cats laying around in traffic like it was. I had to bring it somewhere.
The portfolio has passed the last tier of reviewers. The girl in the email gave me some nice compliments on it and asked when we can set up the first phone interview. I'm glad I made it on my own merits after all. It would have bothered me slightly if I only landed the job because I shared LSD with the right person at the right time… Although that's basically why my dreams are coming true. Thanks LSD!
We all brought the cat to Grandma. She was so happy she cried. It makes sense doesn't it? Old ladies and cats go together like beans and cornbread. (Why do I say that so much?)
Amber, Emily, Heather, Dawn, Michelle and even Leon are all going to come for the Christmas thing Grandma wants to do. I never really got to party with Leon but he was fun to hang out with at the shop. He's a hard guy to keep contact with. He hates computers because he has trouble with them. I'll have to get him used to it because they're an essential tool these days. I did end up asking my other friends to come but they all had family stuff or felt weird about it since they don't know my Grandma that well. I get it. They're not really the family type. Still, it would be awesome if they came. I'll try to convince them again later.
Michelle surprised me yesterday by showing up this morning out of the blue. We managed to smuggle some booze out to the park and drank until we couldn't stand. My parents actually got mad about it and I don't blame them. We drank everything they had without asking. It was pretty rude of us, but it was a lot of fun. I'll replace all of it anyway, I always do. I wonder how long she can stay for?
I had my first phone interview earlier today and I think it went perfectly. I had the woman on the other end laughing the entire time. There are two more to go; one with someone higher up and then one with Coop himself.
I spent the rest of the day with a ton of friends. It seemed like everyone had the day off or something. It was a huge group, enough for a party, so that's what we did. We all pitched in and scrounged booze and weed. We had everything we needed for a good time except one thing. The problem was that we didn't have anywhere to go, so I somewhat reluctantly took everybody to the spot I think at. I know the place is beautiful but I was surprised at how some of my friends reacted to it. There were some genuine gasps of awe. I was scolded for keeping the place to myself. We got a good fire going up near the cliff's edge and sat around talking around it all night, stargazing, appreciating the horizon. Some of us slept there due to getting overdrunk and those that did watched the sunrise with a relaxing shared-joint.
I think this will be my last entry. After today I'll be too busy to make time for writing. Let me try to get some things typed out.
After I woke up and got ready, I went and sat by the phone to wait for it to ring. My second phone interview was supposed to be today. Instead of a ring I heard a knock at the door. I didn't want to leave the phone to go get it but the knocking was persistent. At the door was Dawn, who immediately jumped into my arms for a joyful surprise hug. Behind her was Mr. Cooper who drew us both in for a hug, making a Dawn-sandwich. He explained that as soon as the second tier got a look at my portfolio it was forwarded right to him. The steps I went through were to keep me busy until he had time to fly down and surprise me. What a scamp.
He says I can have whatever job in any of his companies that I want but I can't start officially until I'm 18. It's a legal matter. For now he suggested that I make a ton of art of any kind and sent it in. He said he'd pay me for every piece at a contractor's wage, which is a ton of money apparently. I can only imagine what working full time will yield… As soon as I'm 18 I can start the travel stuff. I signed some shit saying that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about what I do, or who I do it for and he said that everything about the company is on a need to know basis from here on. He did show me some things about his companies which were amazing and were beyond anything I could have imagined. I've somehow landed a lifetime job with probably one of the most important companies in the world. He had to leave after that, but he left Dawn with me since this is how she's spending her vacation.
Going forward; I think I'll move in with Grandma and set up the attic room as a studio. I can make all sorts of art in there while getting to be around for Grandma. I'll set up a guest room or two while I'm at it. As far as friends and family go, it'll actually be easier to spend time with them since I will have more than enough money for bus fare back and forth. I can even pay their rides to Grandma's easily if necessary.
I'll stay there and pump out a ton of work for Mr.Cooper, and party all the time while I wait for my 18th birthday. On my 18th I'll start the travel jobs immediately, while keeping my studio at Grandma's as a headquarters. I'll use all the extra funds to bring a different friend with me each time I go on a trip. That way I get the best of both worlds.
In the future (hopefully far in the future) I will inherit Grandma's house. At that point it will become a party house that anyone I care about can stay at whenever they like. I just realized that I'm going to get a free mansion one day. Whoa.
I'm going to convince as many friends as possible to come to Grandma's Xmas vacation. My friends are basically family to me, and they shouldn't feel weird about attending.
I'm going to trip out with my girlfriends and tell them that I love them. Because I do.
I will certainly continue to experience consciousness in different ways through the use of generally non harmful psychedelics on an annual or bi-annual basis. I pretty much owe everything good in my life to LSD...That and having excellent parents, a good head on my shoulders and a little bit of luck.
As of the present; I'm going to party with Dawn and break the good news to everyone. Fuck it, I'm gonna buy 3 kegs this afternoon. When we're all partied out I'll get packing right away.
I can't wait to get started.
The subject of this book is living it up to this very day. Some people tried to stop the party but there was nothing anyone could do.
Did LSD and other psychedelics set him up for a perfect life? Did they make him more wise and enlightened? Who the fuck knows, but those questions are unimportant and a little stupid. What is important is that he's super happy; having the ultimate human experience and a life full of joy, and that he's one of the millions of people who have used psychedelics that absolutely nothing bad happened to.
Or Ask Alex All content copyright the original author(s).